Showing posts with label the suite life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the suite life. Show all posts

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Miscellanea

I haven't posted here in forever, have I? I suck. In lieu of actual posts containing the hard-hitting making-fun-of-the-Jonas-Brothers you've come to expect from Tweenage, have some quick links 'n' stuff:

- This picture made me laugh because it's so hilariously emblematic of the HP kids. Bonnie: 16 going on 40. Man Radcliffe: Looking like the world's most formal elfin interior decorator. Emma: Rocking an age-appropriate trend that I would probably loathe on anyone else. Rupert: Looking unaware that the British do not generally make stoner comedies, so he can probably stop being all method about it; also, like a hobo. Tom: Not as cool as he thinks he is. And I don't know who that other dude is.

- Dylan and Cole Sprouse Play Video Games with the Eldery. I seriously thought that was an Onion headline at first.

- Just for Becky: Esteban returns to Suite Life! Set the TiVo!

- Okay, a little making fun of the Jonas Brothers, from the always-fabulous Kate Beaton.

- And finally, in the spirit of the holiday, have some Alyson Stoner, who is far more adorable and talented than Camp Rock would lead you to believe:

Saturday, July 18, 2009

A Saturday Night Watching "Wizards on Deck With Hannah Montana"

So the thing is, my sister Rachel does not care about the Disney Channel or tween things. Really. That's why she was the one who initially talked me into watching HSM, and why she watched Camp Rock with us last summer, and why she not only Tivoed Princess Protection Program when I forgot to do it, but actually watched it. And why she TiVoed "Wizards on Deck With Hannah Montana" for me.

So now I am making her watch it! Fun times.

-Alex has dropped from 10 assignments behind to 14 assignments behind in science
Rachel: They only get one assignment a week?

-Justin: "It's ironic that the person who likes school the least…Has to go the most!"
Becky: I like that Gay Older Brother is kind of a dick.

- Parents: "We'll make you go and see all the fun they're having, and then you'll feel bad about yourself! … That's good parenting, right?"
Becky: It's still better than the mom on "The Suite Life."

-Justin: "Look, it's from the teen cruise contest I wrote an essay for!"
Rachel: "Watch while I casually exposit!"

Aboard the SS Tipton…
-Moseby: *is wearing shorts and knee socks*
Both of us: Aaaaaaah!

-Slightly Better Sprouse: *is wearing skinny jeans*
Both of us: Aaaaaaaaaaah!

-Alex: *casts a spell*
Becky: Did she just rhyme "here" with "here"? And why is that an elevator to take them to shore?

-Youngest Russo: "It's one of those clocks for people on to tell the time in their bodies!"
Rachel: Is he brain damaged? Like, actually?

-Slightly Worse Sprouse: "So I hear you're randomly taking people's blood pressure. I'm Zack."
Rachel: That is the best introduction ever.

-Alex: "Ashley Olsen. I can remember that. Ashley… Oh, no. Oh, well!"
Rachel: I think all the Russo children are brain dead!

-Justin: *spit takes*
-London: "That's how you know you're full!"
Rachel: There is no explanation for that line.

Becky: So basically, youngest Russo is just Zack Martin.
Rachel: But somehow dumber.


-Justin: "I'm gonna dump her."
-Alex: "Can I watch?"
-Justin: "I'm not. Going. To cry."
Rachel: Wow, he's a much better actor than this show really calls for.

-Justin: "Would you… Would you go out with a guy who worked in a sandwich shop, and wrote… Stories, and essays…"
Rachel: And fanfic, I'm guessing?

-Not!Tizz (Bailey): *wears horrible yellow pants*
Rachel: OW, MY EYES!

-SBS: *wears white skinny jeans*
Rachel: REALLY????

Rachel: Is it D-Hen's only job to walk around saying angry things? Because I will actually watch that show.

-Miley: *wears purple satin pants*
Rachel: How are EVERYONE'S PANTS worse than the last pair I saw?

-Justin: *takes his shirt off*
Becky: I find the fact that D-Hen is actually ripped really disconcerting.
-Justin: *is now covered in blue*
Rachel: You could just take off the latex suit.

-Justin: "This is Alex, I know my sister!"
-Moseby: "This is Zack, I know my hooligan!"
Becky: Awww, Zack is his hooligan.

-The show: *makes no sense*
Rachel: It's sort of like a middle school play.

-Zack: "Isn't there something you'd like to say to me? That rhymes with 'I'm … florry?'"
-Moseby: "You're flannoying?"
Rachel: I thought he was going to say, "You're a bad rhymer."

-Youngest Russo: "I'm never going to wash that cheek again."
Rachel: What, no "You've never washed that cheek before!" joke? How do you miss that beat?!

-"Hannah Montana" episode: *is unwatchably boring*
Becky: Why is the Hannah Montana episode so much less manic? And more dull?
-Suite Life characters: *all enter*
Becky: That actually improves things.
Rachel: Where did the Wizard kids go?


-Zack: "I've got chocolate shirtcake!"
-Hannah: "I don't like chocolate."
-Zack: "That's okay. I've got vanilla in my pants pocket…"
Rachel: SO INAPPROPRIATE, OMG.

Rachel: Who's that other kid? … Wait, that's Oliver in a stupid wig. Why so many stupid wigs on this show?

Rachel: I like how it's clear Billy Ray just couldn't be bothered to go to the set to film and that's why all of his scenes are in bed.

-Not!Tizz: "Did you do this?"
-Cody: "Bailey, if this relationship doesn't have honesty, it doesn't have anything. … Yes, I did."
Rachel: See, it's funny because he's lying to his girlfriend.

Becky: Well… that was dull.
Rachel: Instead of going wacky, they tried for pathos. On "Hannah Montana."


In conclusion…

Rachel: So Slightly Better Sprouse is dead in the middle of his awkward phase, huh?
Becky: For five years now.


The end!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Think Long and Hard...

Odd trend spotted in recent kidcoms: the prevalence of brothers who are either coded strongly as gay (Cody Martin, Josh Nichols, Justin Russo) or who end up in weirdly homoerotic situations (Jackson Stewart, Spencer Shay). Jess has promised to someday write a thoughtful post on the matter, but in the mean time, we've put up a brand new poll. So: look to the right-hand sidebar, and pick your favorite kidcom gay brother. (Those of you on the LJ feed will need to mosey on over to the actual blog for this, of course.)

And yes, I apologize for the entry title.

Speaking of polls, our previous (which is your favorite "Troy is having a nervous breakdown" song?) has concluded, with Bet On It juuuuust edging out Scream, 47 votes to 44, both rating much higher than Get'Cha Head in the Game and its inappropriate apostrophe.

Friday, March 6, 2009

If I never see the Sprouse brothers sucking yogurt again, it will be too soon



1. So, like, when did the Sprouses' voices change? Because I'm not okay with it. It throws off my whole view of the world!

2. Horrified and intrigued by these vocal variations, I YouTubed a random episode of The Suite Life on Deck, which I have never seen, and linked Becky to it. Now, we've tried to make it clear before on this blog that we are not, in fact, the same person, but I'm suddenly afraid that might be a big lie.



Jess: I just put on an episode of Suite Life on Deck to see if their voices have changed there too
Jess: And Cody is GAYING IT UP. I know you are shocked.
Jess: "Don't worry, I went with the musk hand sanitizer."
Becky: well, he is reeeeally gay
Becky: wow, their dad is inappropriate
Jess: Isn't he the grossest?
Becky: aaand Carrie is wicked inappropriate, too
Jess: Hee, I was just about to say!
Jess: Oh, Moseby.
Becky: awww, Moseby
Becky: aww, London!
Jess: AHAHAHA "What size pony do you ride?"
Becky: "I'll give you the best birthday ever! ... What size pony do you ride?"
Jess: SAME BRAIN
Becky: "...by the way, you're the only one who accepts them."
Jess: UM. CODY GAVE STRANGERS HUG COUPONS.
Jess: SAME BRAIN AGAIN.
Becky: SAME BRAIN
Jess: HEE
Becky: are they planning to drive that around...the...boat?
Jess: Why did their father buy them a tiny car TO DRIVE ON A BOAT
Jess: We are freaks
Becky: braintwinny freaks!
Jess: I will not be watching any more of this episode, btw
Jess: It is dreadful
Becky: nor will I!
Jess: My whole brain just keeps screaming "BUT THEY'RE ON A BOAT"
Becky: WHY are they on a BOAT?
Jess: NO ONE KNOWS

So apparently we are one entity, split among two bodies for purposes unknown. At least when it comes to the Sprouse twins.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Countdown to HSM: Top 10 Best Things About High School Musical


10. Ryan's HSM3 doll wears a kilt
Becky: The costumes throughout HSM are pretty good -- except Kelsi's in the second movie, I think perhaps she ran over the costumer's dog or something -- but the best thing ever is actually on a doll. Ryan Evans, at least in plastic form, wears a KILT.
Jess: Why a kilt? Who cares! I, for one, hope this is a sign of a future HSM/DuckTales crossover, where Ryan and Scrooge McDuck go back to McDuck Castle in Scotland to have high campy adventures.
(Kilt picture from Molly.)

9. The homoerotic nonsense that is the Suite Life HSM episode
Jess: Okay, Suite Life is basically terrible, but for some reason the repeated joke of Maddie (Ashley Tisdale) insisting that she looks just like Sharpay (Ashley Tisdale) and no one else believing her makes me crack up. Other enjoyable things: the ludicrous casting of fey little Slightly Better Sprouse as the slightly less fey Troy, "Floss: The Musical," and the use of a plot point from Singin' in the Rain, which you might have noticed I'm rather partial to.
Becky: I just like to think about the cross-dimensional aspect it brings to Disney. Miley Cyrus -- a real person -- appears in HSM2, so that puts those two in the same universe; but Hannah Montana appears on the Suite Life so that puts those two in the same world; but the Suite Life performs HSM, so...HUH? The pandimensionality is broken! HSM actually broke the universe!

8. Jump In
Becky: It's only fair that if we blame HSM for Camp Rock, we credit it for Corbin's movie, right? And while Jump In is hilariously bad, it's also adorable, and it's Corbin at his best -- playing smug, dancing, and telling a coming out story.
Jess: Did you know boys can double dutch? Thanks to Corbin, I now know they totally can!

7. As bad as the musical aspects are, the return of musicals to mainstream
Becky: Kids are eating the musical thing up, even though what they're being given is bad. SURELY movie makers will eventually catch on and start making GOOD movie musicals, right?
Jess: Oh God. That is my beautiful, beautiful dream. Hold me, Becky!

6. The fact that every little girl I know knows the "All In This Together" dance
Jess: The very first time I saw HSM, my sister jumped up during the finale and did the "We're All in This Together" dance. I've seen kids I substitute for do it, kids at the Disney Store do it, kids on the street do it. It's not brilliant or anything, but heck, anything that makes the world more like a musical is okay in my book
Becky: In fairness, though, Jess and I have been the people doing the dance in the Disney Store. Uh, it may be mildly less charming when it's a couple of 20-somethings. Especially if one of them is me. (Zac Efron and I are comparable dancers.)

5. The launching of Lucas Grabeel's career (hopefully)
Jess: Lucas is the only - I repeat, the only good actor in the first HSM, and remains the best in HSM2. He's the strongest singer in the cast (God, his voice!), and just behind Corbin in dancing. And he is completely adorable. Please let this boy become wildly famous, gods of the universe. Please.
Becky: As the shallow one, I feel obligated add: Lucas isn't exactly hard on the eyes, either. If anyone deserves to get out of this franchise alive, it's him.

4. The ultimate message: it's totally cool to be who you are, no one has to live in a single little box, and we should embrace our differences and still be BFF
Becky: HSM has been referred to as a new generation's Grease, but there's one major difference. At the end of Grease, Sandy gives up on who she is and what she believes in so she can get the dreamy boy (at least, if you're willing to believe Travolta is dreamy). So to give credit where it's due, HSM is much better -- if for nothing else than because at the end, it's all about being true to who you are.
Jess: We refer here to the first movie, of course - the message of the second movie seems to be "Don't do drugs, because you'll turn orange and start seeing giant clocks and crazy girls in wedding dresses and stuff."

3. Gabriella's understated independence
Jess: Vanessa's no great shakes as an actress, and I went into HSM2 not liking Gabriella very much at all. That changed when I saw her behavior towards Troy.
Becky: I'm now going to project my own issues wildly onto Gabi. See, when I was in high school, I had a boyfriend who I was desperately, passionately in love with, and he with me. Except he was extremely jealous and possessive, and as a direct result, I was miserable for well over a year. But I didn't get why, or what I could do about it -- hey, I was 15. And when the thought did flicker through my mind that maybe I would be happier without him, I was overwhelmed by guilt: I loved him, why wasn't that enough? He'd feel awful if we broke up; I couldn't do that to him.

So it actually means a lot to me to see Gabi as a role model for girls in the second movie. Because Troy is a complete tool, and blows her off, and treats her really badly. And she breaks up with him, because she knows that she deserves to be happy. Their exchange in "Gotta Go My Own Way" is actually really brilliant in that regard. She knows what's right, and she does it. She doesn't need Troy to be happy. And yes, that is what I want girls to see on TV.

Also, when refusing to buy into Sharpay's games, her disgusted delivery of, "What's the prize, Troy?" is pretty much accidental genius.

2. An ethnically and visually varied cast
Jess: Oh, and hey, speaking of good role models, how about a Latina heroine (Vanessa's multiracial but Gabi seems to be straight-up Latina, not that it matters) and two interracial couples (Troy/Gabi and Sharpay/Zeke, if the latter counts as a couple)? That's pretty cool. I hear Martha gets to be head cheerleader in HSM3, as well - that's pretty freaking awesome, even if KayCee kind of gives me a headache.
Becky: HSM actually as a cast that isn't 100% caucasian, heterosexual, and skinny. That shouldn't be an accomplishment, but you know what? It is. Let's hope the rest of TV follows.

1. Ryan Evans
Becky: We snark about how incredibly, mind-bogglingly gay Ryan is a lot on this blog. We have an entire category dedicated to it. And -- okay, we mostly do it because it's funny. But the punchline isn't, "Heh, heh, he's gay." The punchline is that Disney, a corporation not exactly known for taking progressive stances, has provided a beloved, respected, positively-portrayed character, who happens to be flamingly gay. And has aimed this character to kids -- kids who are still forming opinions on what is normal and socially-acceptable behavior. And I want to live in a world where no one thinks real kids who happen to be like Ryan Evans are anything but normal.
Jess: Yes, Disney will tell you that they're not dealing with sexuality in these movies and jump through endless verbal hoops to keep from admitting that Ryan is gay. And yeah, it really, really sucks that they can't just have him be gay and have that be the end of it (let alone let him have a love interest. I mean, outside of "I Don't Dance"). But hey. Ryan Evans loves what he does and who he is. Everyone should have a role model like that.

We'll be seeing the movie at a late showing tonight and will likely fall down exhausted as soon as we get home. So our review will be up at some point tomorrow. In the mean time, though, enjoy the best number from the franchise so far. (Will it be topped? We shall see tonight!)

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Suite Life on Deck

So I watched the premier of the Suite Life on Deck.

It's... really bad.

Like, it's so bad I'm not sure I can convey in mere words. Let's go to the points system:


  • Sightly Better Sprouse is still kind of darling, and Slightly Worse Sprouse has actually improved somewhat! +2
  • Brenda Song is still incredibly adorable! +1
  • Somehow, though, they've removed everything endearing about London -- she was always shallow and dumb, but mostly oblivious and not selfish. Now she's just horrible on every level. -2
  • Cody is still adorably, awkwardly gay, barely subtextually gay. +1
  • Zach is still really, incredibly, extraordinarily hateful. -1
  • Carrie has been written off! Thank. God. +1
  • She's been replaced by an awful wacky teacher, who is somehow a worse actress, and more annoying. -1
  • No Ashley Tisdale to hold the show together by falling down a lot. -5
  • No Arwin or Esteban. Who knew I liked them until they were gone? -1
  • The old mediocre peripheral characters gone, replaced by entirely new mediocre peripheral characters. 0
  • The occasional actually amusing, well-delivered line: +1
  • Moseby! Oh, come on. He's always been the best thing about the Suite Life. +2
  • The Suite Life continues its tradition of plenty of farting, burping, and pooping jokes. -1k
  • All the sexism from the original Suite Life made the jump to sea. -1million
  • Plus a heaping helping of racism, with potential for plenty more as the twins explore wacky foreign cultures! -1bajillion


...Like I said. It wasbad. Why can't we just have a wacky show where Brenda, SBS, and Phil Lewis (Moseby) hang out being endearing? I'd watch that!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

I'm slightly ashamed, but...

Though The Suite Life on Deck seems like the worst idea ever -- and also, hey, the Sprouse twins' voices finished changing! And they grew a couple inches! They look less like weird mutant children now! -- I will admit that Cody standing on the bow of the cruise ship yelling, "I'm the king of pre-calculus!" actually made me giggle.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

I am so ashamed.

I just accidentally watched an episode of The Wizards of Waverly Place. I've been actively avoiding it, since all the promos look so terrible, Jess hates it, and I'm kind of afraid of Selena's Scary Pageant Baby Face, but--while less charming, since it lacks Tizz or Brenda or Slightly Better Sprouse--it's not actually any worse than The Suite Life's early episodes.

Selena and her Scary Pageant Baby Face are not very talented, but she's a better actress than Miley was in her first season, and unlike HM, they don't actually attempt to make her likable or sympathetic. (Oh, and the obnoxious younger brother reeeeally seemed to be doing his best to mimic Slightly Worse Sprouse, which was funny by accident. I didn't know SWS had a recognizable delivery, but it turns out he totally does.)

And there's a studious, nerdy, incredibly gay older brother who just wants to follow the rules. I really can't resist one of those.

Don't get me wrong, the show wasn't anything even resembling good, but the gay older brother made laugh.

--
In other news, how long as there been a porn-style facial in the opening credits of The Suite Life? I am so incredibly disturbed.