did me old ears hear someone singing a birthday?

Happy 20th birthday, Sandwich Boy.



Don't worry, I'm sure you'll grow out of your awkward phase soon.

source.

Maybe We're Being Punked?*

This is a joke, right?

Disney XD orders “Pair of Kings” a live-action comedy series for kids and families about two fraternal twins who are living a typical teenage life in Chicago, but unbeknownst to them, are the successors to the throne of The Island of Kinkou. The multi-camera series will begin production in Hollywood in March 2010 and begin airing in Fall 2010 around the world.

Starring are popular actor and Walt Disney Records recording artist Mitchel Musso (“Hannah Montana,” “Phineas and Ferb”) as Brady and Doc Shaw (“The Suite Life on Deck” and “Tyler Perry’s House of Payne”) as Boomer.

…Oh dear.

So we've got a wacky buddy show (they're twins! But one is black and the other is white! Craaaazy!) about kids who relocate to a wacky island nation with wacky island ways. Absolutely no potential for inadvertent racism there, no sirree! (Note: sarcasm.)

On top of which, while I know basically nothing about Doc Shaw (I've never seen House of Payne, and the Suite Life on a Motherfucking Boat is so terrible it's essentially unwatchable), I've always been pretty fond of Sandwich Boy and his ludicrous hair. I'm glad he's got another acting project on deck, because he's always been one of the only watchable things about Hannah Montana. And while I didn't have high hopes for him, precisely, I had sort of assumed, I don't know, that he'd concentrate on his music career (that should probably be in sarcastic quotes) for awhile, and then fade away, only to burst back on the scene eight or ten years from now as a charming sidekick on an otherwise-crappy network sitcom.

Instead, it's straight to another Dinsey project, on a lesser-known network, with a premise that seems, at best, pretty dumb, but holds potentially to be so much worse.

Who knew it was even physically possible to step down from Hannah Montana?


* Maybe we'll get to meet Ashton! But probably not, because he's too busy trying to bring The Beautiful Life Colon TBL back from the dead. Uh, good luck with that, dude.

It's like bringing sexy back, except not. With a sandwich.

Jess: So apparently Mitchel Musso is legal today. You gonna go for that? I know you want to.
Becky: Ooooh, Mitchel.
Jess: With his pointy face and his Ally Sheedy hair...
Becky: You know, I appreciate that he's making awkward cool again.
Jess: Okay, I'm gonna go blog that now.

Daily Dose of Adorability

...It's for horses you know.

I'm counting the days since I began to live without you

Okay, so he looks more like Ally Sheedy than ever. And the video is basically a long form iPod commercial.

But wow, I really like this song. It's catchy, and the lyrics aren't totally mindless, and he's a good singer! I've listened to it three times already! Arrrgh. I don't know how it happened, but somewhere along the line I became a person who is eagerly anticipating Mitchel Musso's debut album.

...Don't start a tween blog, folks. You'll wind up a stranger to yourself.

OMG! Breaking News!

Mitchel "Sandwich Boy" Musso cut his hair! He no longer has the eponymous Mitchel!



Now he just looks like some random guy! Even more than he used to!

Source, and more pics.

How so cute, children? HOW?

This picture was just too adorable not to post. I just want to pinch their widdle cheeks.

PS, Sandwich Boy, I'm fond of you, but please do not look to Zef for fashion cues. That way madness lies. And by "madness" in this context, I mean "toolishness."

From here.

My, My, My, My Mitchel

The cover of Mitchel Musso's upcoming album:



Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club:



Don't worry, Sandwich Boy, I'm sure you can find a nice jock to take you to prom.

[Mitchel pic source; Ally Sheedy pic source. Largely unrelated, give yourself a pat on the pack if you know the post title reference.]

Mitchel Musso, Sandwich Boy

We’re down with Mitchel Musso here at Tweenage. He just seems to be some guy, like maybe Hannah Montana was originally conceived, pitched, and written with only one best friend for Miley, and it was only when they started filming that they realized that they’d forgotten to give her the Disney-mandated best friends of each gender, and Mitchel happened to be on the set, delivering sandwiches for the local deli or something, and got the job. I can see it now: the cast and crew in a panic, scripts flying everywhere, Billy Ray clinging to his own hair for comfort. Mitchel pulls up on his motorized scooter, possibly wearing a visor that says “Musso’s Meats” or something.

Producer: Dammit, how could you let this happen? You know what Walt said before they froze him! Every Disney Channel show protagonist must have a best friend of each gender! Hilary Duff got it, Shia LaBeouf got it, why don’t you get it?

Mitchel: Sandwich delivery!

Writer: I’m sorry! I don’t know how this happened! Please stop hitting me!

Mitchel: I got turkey, I got cheese, I got what looks like chicken parm…

Producer: I will hit you until you find me a twelve-year-old boy of inoffensive charm! Preferably goofy-looking!

Mitchel: This one says no onions. Who had the no onions?

Writer: But where am I supposed to…hey. How about that kid?

Mitchel: Man, if no one claims this, I’m just gonna eat it.

Producer: The kid with the weird hair?

Writer: Yeah. No one on the show has weird hair yet. Well, except Billy Ray.

Billy Ray: *sobs*

Mitchel: Pastrami on rye! I got pastrami on rye!

Producer: Hey, kid!

Mitchel: Yeah?

Producer: You want to be on TV?

Mitchel: …with the pastrami on rye?

Producer: Sure, whatever.

Mitchel: Um, okay.

And a star was born!

(Courtesy of my baby sister, this mental image: “Who ordered the sub with olives?” “Olives…olives…Oliver! Poryes, you magnificent bastard, you’ve done it again!”*)

My extremely long-winded point is that basically, he’s just a dude, albeit a dude with hair that pretty much defies description. And he does have a sort of goofy-looking inoffensive charm, and he’s not actually a bad actor or singer. And his blog, Moments with Mitchel, is simultaneously the most adorable and most hilarious thing I have ever read (he signs every post with an inexplicably hyphenated all-caps “PEACE-OUT!” and I just want to give him a cookie and tell him he did good on the internets).

But since almost every post we do here includes an embedded YouTube video or a stupid picture of Zac Efron, and stupid pictures of Zac Efron, while hilarious, are irrelevant here, I must share with you Mitchel’s new music video:



I have a post planned on the actual subject matter of the song, so let’s leave that aside for now. And I am still at a loss to explain or define Mitchel’s hair (suggestions are welcome!), so we’ll leave that aside as well.

But Mitchel. Honey bunch sweetie pie. You are not a rock star! Don’t feel bad, I say that to Miley all the time (Pop star =/ rock star, Cyrus. Learn it, live it.). But dude, lighten up, remove the ludicrous neckerchief and boots, and stop throwing up the horns!

I will say that I do like that the Television Nerd Who Actually Looks More Like a Williamsburg Hipster Girl gets the various high school clichés around her to smile by just being her goofy self. And then gets to…stand with Mitchel in his stumpifying boots (Mitchel! The Fug Girls are not happy with you!) while they all…um, resolutely face a…thing? Whatever, it’s basically cute.

But Mitchel, I like you so much more when you seem like you’re in on the joke. And here (and, tragically, here), you really, really don’t.

(Also, I know it’s been done before, but that blank white set reminds me of nothing so much as JC Chasez’s indescribably hysterical “All Day Long I Dream About Sex (With You)” video, which I never want to think about in the context of Mitchel Musso ever again.)


*Michael Poryes, co-creator of Hannah Montana. Yes, I looked up the show’s creator to make that joke. That is the kind of dedication you can expect here at Tweenage Wasteland.

Three is the magic number

1. Mitchel, please stop trying to seduce me while I'm trying to learn about environmentalism. It makes me very upset.

2. I'm glad to see that they're concerned with recycling and alternative modes of transportation in the dystopian concrete bunker where you live!

3. Kid, your hair grows Budnickier by the day. That's not a compliment.

Important IM Conversations

Jess: Mitchel. No more tank tops.
Jess: Or bangs.
Becky: mitchell, a shirt, put it on IMMEDIATELY
Jess: This is not appropriate sandwich-getting attire!
Jess: HAIRCUT. OH MY GOD.
Becky: seriously.
Becky: Emily looks so hilariously intent and focused in the close ups
Jess: It's like he's wearing a bob wig that belongs to a giant.
Jess: SHE ARE SERIOUS EMILY. THIS ARE SERIOUS SINGINGS.
Becky: it kind of makes me hope they're real life BFFs, though.
Jess: Who fight crime!

Disney Channel Games

So this blog may be having interesting effects on my life, because I'm paying a lot more attention to the various Disney kids than I used to. Which means, in short, that when I watched the Disney Channel Games, I not only knew who most of the kids involved were, but I also had a serious preference for which team I wanted to win.

Specifically, the red team. Because first, their captain was Brenda Song, who is like my favorite ever. They also had Jason Earles and Mitchel Musso Sandwich Boy, both of whom I enjoy quite a bit. On the down side, they had the HaraGossip Girls from Camp Rock, but like in Camp Rock, they had basically no screen time. Not even inexplicable songs at the end! And, of course, they were saddled with a Jonas. But at least it was Least Detestable.

The team I liked least was the green team, which featured both Most Detestable Jonas and Slight Worse Sprouse. There was no one else I cared about either way on it -- some sidekicks from various shows, including Guy Whose Hair Goes to the Right (Jason Dolley), but since only Most Detestable and SWS ever appeared on camera, there was nothing to redeem the team.

Everyone else was split up pretty evenly. The blue team had Demi Lovato. Once upon a time, the amount of irritation Demi causes me would have been canceled out by adorable Alyson Stoner, but I'm still mad at Alyson for sucking as hard as everyone else in Camp Rock. But on the up side, they had Shin Koyamada, who is absolutely adorable and costarred with Brenda in Wendy Wu, which is one of my favorite DCOMs. And they had Slightly Better Sprouse, who was just as awkwardly non-athletic as you would imagine.

Yellow had less to it: Selena Gomez and her Scary Pageant Baby Face -- though I've become oddly somewhat fond of her, Extra Jonas, Kyle Massey (who I fail to find charming, but I don't detest), and Moises, who seems less detestable as himself than when he's playing a character.

For me, the highlight of the game was definitely Sandwich Boy and Jason Earles pattering at one another (Mitchel playing guitar, and Jason complaining about it) because I have long maintained that I really like all of the non-Hannah or -Robby Ray characters on that show, and by extension, have become fond of the actors. Then they teamed up to score four goals (or something like that) in human-sized foose ball. (Then they got their butts handed to them by the French guy, which was pretty awesome, too.)

Lowlight of the games was the sibling rivalry game, where the Sprouses, Jonii, and Cheetah Girls ('cause... they're siblings, I guess) had to play against one another. Most Detestable and SWS were on a team together and won, and proved in the process that they were just as horrible as they always come across. Yuck.

Overall? The games try to hard to be charming and zany. I miss the HSM kids, who are now too good for this shit, and wish there had been fewer performances by the Jonii, because, well, my feelings on the Jonii are well known. But on the other hand, if they had Disney Channel Games every week, I would totally tune in.

Yeah, I'm Not Surprised

Via Gawker, Zac Efron Skips the Shower. An anonymous tipster say:

"Zac isn't a big fan of showering," a set insider tells Star.

"It's so gross, because Zac loves to work out and plays basketball all the time — and then goes days without showering. When he gets lazy, he likes to clean himself with baby wipes!"

Star wonders what Vanessa thinks. Hmm, hmm, hmm.

An Informal Tweenage Poll:
Who told Star that Zac doesn't shower?
a) Lucas and Monique -- they think this shit is hilarious
b) Corbin -- if no one likes Zef anymore, perhaps they'll love him best!*
c) Mitchell Musso -- he was on set fetching sandwiches, and Zef overshared
d) Vanessa herself -- passive-aggression is so hot right now

Weigh in in the comments.

*I already do, Corbin!

"The greatest collaboration of all time ever made!"

I am so in love with this, you guys. Allow me to present an enumerated list of why!



1. Mitchel! Who knew Mitchel could actually kind of sing? He's sort of dorkily adorable here and I don't know why. I particularly enjoy the line about his handsomeness or lack thereof (although I've seen Metro Station in concert and he is definitely the more attractive Musso). Oh, Mitchel. You can get me a sandwich anyday.

2. Emily! We love Emily here at TW, because she's a) adorable and b) consistently duking it out with Jason Earles for Best Actor on Hannah Montana (although of course on HM "Best Actor" is pretty much synonymous with "Capable of Acting"). The question of whether Emily can actually sing has been tossed back and forth between me and Rebecca since she released the overproduced "I Don't Think About It," which was further complicated by her sounding briefly good in the HM episode "dub." "If I Didn't Have You" has chosen not to clarify the matter, once again overproducing Emily's voice until it sounds like a duet between Mitchel Musso and His Tiny Robot Friend, but that's a hilarious effect, so I don't mind. Plus, look how cute she is! Look!

3. The song itself. It's originally from the Monsters, Inc. soundtrack and was sung by Mike and Sully (Billy Crystal and John Goodman, respectively). I really like pop versions of Disney songs when they're done well (Disney Channel Circle of Stars' "A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes" = good; Selena Gomez's "Cruella DeVille" = bad), and I honestly think this is more fun than the original, which is mostly banter sort of kind of set to music. Can you chew scenery in a recording studio?

4. The dancing. Also the fact that Emily and Mitchel yell "Let's dance!" and then don't. Listen to your words, guys!

5. The outfits. I am blind now, but in a good way. It's like radioactive popsicles on parade.

In conclusion, I love this, and will now listen to it ten times.

May I suggest Jason Earles singing "Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide" for the next pop remix? He is tiny like a cricket, do you see? Call me, Disney!