In the late 90s and early 00s, your bloggers were hardcore boy band fans. For the past few years, we have missed seeing groups of three to five clean-cut young gentleman dancing in unison to catchy, inoffensive pop hits. But, like the swallows returning to Capistrano, boy bands are a cyclical phenomenon, and we’ve been watching for warning signs that they are making a comeback.
There are several boy bands out there now, still in the embryonic stage, but ready to dance for your amusement. And so Tweenage Wasteland is proud to present the Official Tweenage Wasteland Official Boy Band Watch, in hopes that boy bands will soon be tearing up our hearts, and the dance floor, once more.
We’ll be rating these groups in five categories: Image, Archetypes, Music Video, Personality, and Oh Yeah, The Music.
Image is, of course, the most important aspect of a boy band. Don’t lie and say it’s the music. It’s what strikes you visually when you first encounter the band. Good image makes you want to find out more.
Archetypes are very important. 2Ge+ther famously delineated the boy band archetypes as The Heartthrob, The Cute One, The Shy One, The Bad Boy, and The Older Brother, but there are other equally valid ones like The Old One, The Funny One, The Other One, and most importantly, The Little Blond One. Take a moment to think about it. You recognize these archetypes. A boy band does not require all of them, but it does require a good sampling of the key ones, and clear delineation of who is who.
The Music Video is self-explanatory, and also key – less so now that Total Request Live is no longer a cultural zeitgeist, but still very important.
Personality is what comes after Image. It’s what makes you fall in love with a band, or make you want to leave nasty comments about them on their YouTube channel.
Oh Yeah, The Music. Whatever.
So put on your 98 Degrees T-shirt, turn on “I Want It That Way” on iTunes, and stay tuned for the Tweenage take on the latest wave of boy bands.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Morning Open Letter
Dear Zac Efron,
PULL UP YOUR GODDAMN PANTS.
Yours,
Becky
Via Ocean Up. Also baffling: At some point while putting gas in his car, Zef switched out his trucker hat for his trademark "I'm an enormous tool!" wool cap. And if these pictures are in chronological order, he then switched back. I guess he's just loves that devoted to looking like a tool.
PULL UP YOUR GODDAMN PANTS.
Yours,
Becky
Via Ocean Up. Also baffling: At some point while putting gas in his car, Zef switched out his trucker hat for his trademark "I'm an enormous tool!" wool cap. And if these pictures are in chronological order, he then switched back. I guess he's just loves that devoted to looking like a tool.
Monday, June 22, 2009
The Most Dramatic Drama of All Time
I've been half-heartedly planning an epic post for awhile now, but haven't bothered because it can be boiled down to this: OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, I LOVE STERLING KNIGHT. In all caps. Just like that. But now I have an excuse!
When I very grudgingly admitted that I enjoyed Sonny With a Chance, I somehow skipped over mentioning Sterling's character, Chad Dylan Cooper.* If Demi is the weakest link on the show (look, writers, she's just not as funny as you think she is, talking in a silly voice ≠ comedy genius, and she's not even that good at silly voices), then Sterling is by far the strongest one. In an episode I accidentally watched recently (because I do not actually seek out this show, surprisingly) he had a gag in the background and, without delivering a single line of dialogue, was funnier than the entire rest of the cast in the entire rest of the episode. And while his dialogue is generally the best on the show, that isn't saying much (it's akin to being the most talented Jonas brother, for example), and a lot of it is squarely thanks to Sterling.
What Sterling does well is actually, you know… act. Chad Dylan Cooper is an archetype I'm already fond of -- the smug but charming jackass. For all intents and purposes, he's the same character as Hannah Montana's Jake Ryan, who I also enjoy. But unlike Jake (or, if you're being technical, Cody Linley) who only has to pull that off in small doses, Sterling has to do it in almost every episode, consistently keeping Chad on the fine line between obnoxious and appealing, and, let's face it, he's got act for two in any scene where he's playing against Demi. Which is most of his scenes. But he not only pulls it off, he does it well -- and he's ultimately hilarious because he plays the character without a single hint of irony. There's no wink to the fact that Sterling knows how ridiculous his character is; there's no overacting (except, of course, for when Chad-the-character is on the set of Mackenzie Falls, on which he plays the eponymous Mackenzie). He's just straight-up funny. Let's get this kid a real role!
Wait, that would be where 17 Again comes in. Obviously 17 Again was, above all else, a Zac Efron vehicle; it wasn't what I would call a good movie, and there were some moments that were outright infuriating, but it was incredibly entertaining, and Zef managed to carry it along well. (It was interesting to see him in a role where he had to convey thoughts and emotions beyond "confused" and "my girlfriend has awesome boobs," which is about all we saw from Troy in the HSM franchise, but I digress.) Sterling Knight, as Zef's son Alex, was only a supporting role, though an important one, and Sterling was actually quite good in it. He was awkward without going into Television Nerd mode, he was quietly funny, and his subplot with the cheerleader was pretty cute. But what's really notable is that it means Sterling Knight can pull of what relatively few Disney kids** have attempted: he can play at least two distinctly different characters. And play both of them well. Who knows what he could do besides comedy? Period pieces? Space opera?
Dare I suggest... Drama?
And THAT is why I am writing this blog entry. As I said, Sterling plays Chad Dylan Cooper with nary a trace of irony, which is great. And the script gives it to him that way, if only because it's very, very rare that anything written for Disney has the self-awareness needed to be ironic. But someone on the writing staff knows what's going on, knows irony, and perhaps knows that Sterling Knight is the funniest guy they've got on set. And whoever that is, he or she also, clearly, loves me personally. Because Disney has seen fit to give me Mackenzie Falls minisodes, starring, of course, Chad Dylan Cooper, at his Chad Dylan Cooper-iest. All we have is an opening sequence at the moment -- boo! -- but the character profiles alone amuse me greatly. It's Gossip Girl's bitchy rich kids meets Dawson's Creek teen angst, with, for reasons I don't entirely understand, a score ripped off of Harry Potter; I don't think it would work long-form -- few jokes really do, and obviously Mackenzie Falls is an extended gag -- but if they keep the minisodes to a minute or two each, there is some potential for actual good parody here. And you know who would totally be able to pull that off? Hint: he's got the most awesome name of anyone, ever.
You guys, I really, really love Sterling Knight!
* They did a good job with that character name, but frankly, his real name would have worked even better. Oh, Sterling. Your parents were either crazy geniuses or they really, really hated you.
** "Disney kids" meaning "people who play kids on the Disney channel" as Sterling actually 20. Though by that definition, Jason Earles is also a Disney kid. And he's what, 75?
When I very grudgingly admitted that I enjoyed Sonny With a Chance, I somehow skipped over mentioning Sterling's character, Chad Dylan Cooper.* If Demi is the weakest link on the show (look, writers, she's just not as funny as you think she is, talking in a silly voice ≠ comedy genius, and she's not even that good at silly voices), then Sterling is by far the strongest one. In an episode I accidentally watched recently (because I do not actually seek out this show, surprisingly) he had a gag in the background and, without delivering a single line of dialogue, was funnier than the entire rest of the cast in the entire rest of the episode. And while his dialogue is generally the best on the show, that isn't saying much (it's akin to being the most talented Jonas brother, for example), and a lot of it is squarely thanks to Sterling.
What Sterling does well is actually, you know… act. Chad Dylan Cooper is an archetype I'm already fond of -- the smug but charming jackass. For all intents and purposes, he's the same character as Hannah Montana's Jake Ryan, who I also enjoy. But unlike Jake (or, if you're being technical, Cody Linley) who only has to pull that off in small doses, Sterling has to do it in almost every episode, consistently keeping Chad on the fine line between obnoxious and appealing, and, let's face it, he's got act for two in any scene where he's playing against Demi. Which is most of his scenes. But he not only pulls it off, he does it well -- and he's ultimately hilarious because he plays the character without a single hint of irony. There's no wink to the fact that Sterling knows how ridiculous his character is; there's no overacting (except, of course, for when Chad-the-character is on the set of Mackenzie Falls, on which he plays the eponymous Mackenzie). He's just straight-up funny. Let's get this kid a real role!
Wait, that would be where 17 Again comes in. Obviously 17 Again was, above all else, a Zac Efron vehicle; it wasn't what I would call a good movie, and there were some moments that were outright infuriating, but it was incredibly entertaining, and Zef managed to carry it along well. (It was interesting to see him in a role where he had to convey thoughts and emotions beyond "confused" and "my girlfriend has awesome boobs," which is about all we saw from Troy in the HSM franchise, but I digress.) Sterling Knight, as Zef's son Alex, was only a supporting role, though an important one, and Sterling was actually quite good in it. He was awkward without going into Television Nerd mode, he was quietly funny, and his subplot with the cheerleader was pretty cute. But what's really notable is that it means Sterling Knight can pull of what relatively few Disney kids** have attempted: he can play at least two distinctly different characters. And play both of them well. Who knows what he could do besides comedy? Period pieces? Space opera?
Dare I suggest... Drama?
And THAT is why I am writing this blog entry. As I said, Sterling plays Chad Dylan Cooper with nary a trace of irony, which is great. And the script gives it to him that way, if only because it's very, very rare that anything written for Disney has the self-awareness needed to be ironic. But someone on the writing staff knows what's going on, knows irony, and perhaps knows that Sterling Knight is the funniest guy they've got on set. And whoever that is, he or she also, clearly, loves me personally. Because Disney has seen fit to give me Mackenzie Falls minisodes, starring, of course, Chad Dylan Cooper, at his Chad Dylan Cooper-iest. All we have is an opening sequence at the moment -- boo! -- but the character profiles alone amuse me greatly. It's Gossip Girl's bitchy rich kids meets Dawson's Creek teen angst, with, for reasons I don't entirely understand, a score ripped off of Harry Potter; I don't think it would work long-form -- few jokes really do, and obviously Mackenzie Falls is an extended gag -- but if they keep the minisodes to a minute or two each, there is some potential for actual good parody here. And you know who would totally be able to pull that off? Hint: he's got the most awesome name of anyone, ever.
You guys, I really, really love Sterling Knight!
* They did a good job with that character name, but frankly, his real name would have worked even better. Oh, Sterling. Your parents were either crazy geniuses or they really, really hated you.
** "Disney kids" meaning "people who play kids on the Disney channel" as Sterling actually 20. Though by that definition, Jason Earles is also a Disney kid. And he's what, 75?
Friday, June 19, 2009
Comment Policy
We've neglected to put a comment policy up here so far, but here goes:
We love your comments. Even when you disagree with us, we love your comments. But if you make an off-topic or rude comment, we will delete it. So if you're wondering what happened to your "DON'T MAKE FUN OF SELENA GOMEZ U JELLUZ HOORS" comment - it's gone. End of story.
Now, let's all practice appropriate comments by talking about how hilarious and awesome Sterling Knight's name is. That's his real name, you guys! Amazing!
We love your comments. Even when you disagree with us, we love your comments. But if you make an off-topic or rude comment, we will delete it. So if you're wondering what happened to your "DON'T MAKE FUN OF SELENA GOMEZ U JELLUZ HOORS" comment - it's gone. End of story.
Now, let's all practice appropriate comments by talking about how hilarious and awesome Sterling Knight's name is. That's his real name, you guys! Amazing!
Friday Flashback: The Beatles
While I'd argue that the Beatles were definitely not a boyband, they definitely were teen idols, especially in the 1960s.
The Beatles on Ed Sullivan (February 1964)
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
This is going on my NOTflix queue
So I'm doing a Google search for Cole Sprouse, as you do, and this is the first image that comes up:
Yes, that's really him, from a movie called The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things. He and Dylan both played "Older Jeremiah." Who apparently wears negligees.
My brain: I have to see this movie!
Then I read more about it on IMDB, and apparently that picture is from a scene where Cole's character seduces his mother's boyfriend, played by Marilyn Manson, who then rapes him.
My brain: I have to NEVER, EVER see this movie.
I am, however, not surprised that Disney seems to have convinced the Sprouses to leave this particular film off their resumes. Gaaah.
Yes, that's really him, from a movie called The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things. He and Dylan both played "Older Jeremiah." Who apparently wears negligees.
My brain: I have to see this movie!
Then I read more about it on IMDB, and apparently that picture is from a scene where Cole's character seduces his mother's boyfriend, played by Marilyn Manson, who then rapes him.
My brain: I have to NEVER, EVER see this movie.
I am, however, not surprised that Disney seems to have convinced the Sprouses to leave this particular film off their resumes. Gaaah.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Miscellany
Here's another for the "I'm like this in real life, too," files. My boss and I have a weird habit of twittering at each other, despite the fact that we work at desks about five feet apart, in the same room, and if I swivel in my chair I can see his computer monitor as he types the tweet. So today, this exchange happened:
Me (upon seeing this news in my Google alerts): Wow. Even Kenny has backed out of High School Musical 4. That does note bode well for the franchise.
My boss: yknow what else didn't bode well for the High School Musical franchise? the first three.
Me: Says you. HSM2 had the best ratings of any program on cable, ever.
My boss: and now i'm terrified for the future of humanity. this is no way to start a week!
Also, my coworkers now bait me by asking whether I'm going to see the Jonas Brothers on tour. Because they hate me. (Or, more accuately, think it's funny when smoke pours out of my ears.)
Anyhoo. Speaking of fourths that probably shouldn't happen, Hannah Montana gets a fourth season. Quoth Miley, "The producers have proposed a change of setting for Season Four that will provide the catalyst for wonderful new characters and further expand the storytelling opportunities."
The only way that's good is if it leaves room for a spinoff consisting only of Oliver, Lilly, and Jackson as Miley goes off to have idiotic adventures elsewhere.
Me (upon seeing this news in my Google alerts): Wow. Even Kenny has backed out of High School Musical 4. That does note bode well for the franchise.
My boss: yknow what else didn't bode well for the High School Musical franchise? the first three.
Me: Says you. HSM2 had the best ratings of any program on cable, ever.
My boss: and now i'm terrified for the future of humanity. this is no way to start a week!
Also, my coworkers now bait me by asking whether I'm going to see the Jonas Brothers on tour. Because they hate me. (Or, more accuately, think it's funny when smoke pours out of my ears.)
Anyhoo. Speaking of fourths that probably shouldn't happen, Hannah Montana gets a fourth season. Quoth Miley, "The producers have proposed a change of setting for Season Four that will provide the catalyst for wonderful new characters and further expand the storytelling opportunities."
The only way that's good is if it leaves room for a spinoff consisting only of Oliver, Lilly, and Jackson as Miley goes off to have idiotic adventures elsewhere.
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