The Suite Life on Deck

So I watched the premier of the Suite Life on Deck.

It's... really bad.

Like, it's so bad I'm not sure I can convey in mere words. Let's go to the points system:

• Sightly Better Sprouse is still kind of darling, and Slightly Worse Sprouse has actually improved somewhat! +2
  
• Brenda Song is still incredibly adorable! +1
  
• Somehow, though, they've removed everything endearing about London -- she was always shallow and dumb, but mostly oblivious and not selfish. Now she's just horrible on every level. -2
  
• Cody is still adorably, awkwardly gay, barely subtextually gay. +1
  
• Zach is still really, incredibly, extraordinarily hateful. -1
  
• Carrie has been written off! Thank. God. +1
  
• She's been replaced by an awful wacky teacher, who is somehow a worse actress, and more annoying. -1
  
• No Ashley Tisdale to hold the show together by falling down a lot. -5
  
• No Arwin or Esteban. Who knew I liked them until they were gone? -1
  
• The old mediocre peripheral characters gone, replaced by entirely new mediocre peripheral characters. 0
  
• The occasional actually amusing, well-delivered line: +1
  
• Moseby! Oh, come on. He's always been the best thing about the Suite Life. +2
  
• The Suite Life continues its tradition of plenty of farting, burping, and pooping jokes. -1k
  
• All the sexism from the original Suite Life made the jump to sea. -1million
  
• Plus a heaping helping of racism, with potential for plenty more as the twins explore wacky foreign cultures! -1bajillion
  

...Like I said. It wasbad. Why can't we just have a wacky show where Brenda, SBS, and Phil Lewis (Moseby) hang out being endearing? I'd watch that!