Fame: Pretty Good, ActuaTHEY DID WHAT???

Despite my reservations, I saw Fame tonight. It was pretty good! Except for one aspect that was completely infuriating and disgusting and more retrograde and vile than anything shown in the 1980 version. WHOOPS. What follows is a quick, non-spoilery breakdown of the performances, followed by a SPOILER WARNING, followed by the infuriating part. (Although I should point out that Fame, like both the original film and the play, has no plot, so there's not much to be spoiled.)

The Kids We'd Heard of Before: Little Panabaker was quite good! So was Anna Maria Perez de Tagle, who really, really needs a better stage name, but who can apparently do justice to a script that's neither Hannah Montana nor Camp Rock. Kherington of So You Think You Can Dance turns out to be a mediocre actress, but she was also, oddly, a mediocre dancer - technically fine, but nowhere close to the entrancing uber-goddess she was supposed to be. Asher Book of V Factory was definitely the weakest link acting-wise, and though his singing was not bad, he sounded...well, like a member of a boy band, which didn't really fit in with songs like "Someone To Watch Over Me."

The Kids We Hadn't: All quite good! Naturi Naughton is rightfully going to get a lot of praise for her voice. None of the others were real standouts to me, but they all did very well.

The Grownups: Should have had more to do - at least, Bebe Neuwirth, Kelsey Grammer, and Megan Mullally should. They didn't have much to do besides expose the soft fleshy underbellies of their students, and Megan's one song was a disappointment, but they captivated the viewers' attention (particularly Bebe) in a way these wet-behind-the-ears young actors haven't yet learned to do. (And one scene made me want epic fanfiction about how Kelsey Grammer's character is in love with Megan Mullally's. I DON'T KNOW.)


And now, for the part that pissed me off...


SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER


Little Panabaker and Asher Book play aspiring actors who start dating. At a party, Andy, a former student of the school who is now a regular on a TV show, approaches Little, compliments her on a recent performance, and suggests she come by the set to meet the casting director and audition as a day player. He's also clearly into her, although it's not clear if she knows that. She's thrilled at the professional opportunity, and gives him her number. Asher comes in just in time to see her apparently give some guy her number and accept a kiss on the cheek from him, and storms out. She explains what happened, apologizes (even though she didn't do anything wrong), offers to never talk to Andy again if that's what Asher wants, and then placates him by inviting him up to her empty apartment. So...placating the angry boyfriend by telling him he can veto who she talks to and then offering sexual favors (it's not clear how far they go, but they're not going to her apartment to play Parcheesi)? Uh...sounds great.

Then she goes to Andy's set and is invited into his trailer. He tells her the casting director isn't there, but wants them to make a video, and oh, here's a kissing scene in the script - all a very transparent attempt to get into her pants. She doggedly attempts to act the scene a couple of times, but finally realizes (or accepts) that this isn't legit, tells him off, and leaves. Good for her! In the original film, something similar happens but the girl doesn't get the courage to leave, and I was pleased that Little was able to do so.

Next scene: she's telling Asher what happened. She's clearly very upset, and with good reason - she was just betrayed and molested.

He gets mad at her.

His girlfriend was just SEXUALLY ASSAULTED, and he yells at her while she cries that she knew all along what was going to happen, that she was using sexuality to get ahead, and that if being famous means that much to her, fine, he's done. Then he storms off.

Some time later, at a party with mutual friends, she apologizes again for hurting him and asks if they can ever get past it. He doesn't answer, but later in the scene takes her hand, which apparently means that he's forgiven her.

For being MOLESTED.

This movie blames the victim of sexual assault for bringing it on herself. Her boyfriend essentially calls her a slut and a tease and breaks up with her because she was tricked and violated. This didn't happen in the 1980 film, or the 1988 play, when female characters found themselves in similar situations - situations which turned out a lot worse for the girls in question. All they received was sympathy.

No, it's not until 2009 that we're told that a 17 year old girl who trusts a former schoolmate not to take advantage of her is BAD and WRONG for DARING to be alone with a man without her boyfriend's permission. It's not until the 21st century that Fame wants us to join this supposedly likeable, upstanding boyfriend in shunning a girl who has just been through a traumatic experience. It's not until now that we're expected to applaud a steaming pile of misogyny in what is otherwise a pretty decent movie.

Way to take us backwards, Fame. Fuck you.

Baby, remember my name

The latest remake of Fame leaves me with many questions. Is it based on the movie, the stage show, the TV show, or is it just a bunch of kids at a performing arts school with a couple of the more recognizable songs crammed in there? Is it still set at the New York High School of Performing Arts, and if so, does it take place in the 80s, since the NYHSoPA was folded into LaGuardia High School a quarter century ago, and I don't see any painters in the trailer? And perhaps most importantly, what on earth is the point of remaking a movie that's less than 30 years old? I mean, the clothing may be violently late 70s, but the film's central thesis isn't exactly dated beyond recognition.

It's not that I'm in love with the original Fame. I've actually always found it rather boring. But I'm so very baffled by this new one! And vaguely concerned by the veneer of glitz they seem to be laying over it, when the original Fame was more about laying bare the hardwork and agonies of performing - not about the stage, but about the memorization, the vocal scales, the exercises at the barre, the blood, sweat, and tears that go into that fleeting chance to, as the song says, live forever. It's not sparkly.

I am pleased by the cast. Bebe Neuwirth and Debbie Allen are rightfully living legends, Kesley Grammer is an inspired choice, and Megan Mullally will probably surprise quite a few people with her pipes. As far as the kids go: Asher Book is the perfectly acceptable frontman of the fairly decent boy band V Factory, and from what I can tell from snippets of the soundtrack, he is at least vocally pretty much perfect for the part I suspect he's playing (regardless of the version, Fame always seems to have a skinny neurotic white boy actor, although if that's him with the guitar in the poster he may have just thrown my theory out the window). Kay Panabaker (or Little Panabaker, as we call her) has appeared on various Disney Channel stuff, and although our hearts belong to her older sister (Big (Danielle) Panabaker, star of our beloved Sky High), we're down with all Panabakers as a rule. Anna Maria Perez de Tagle (you probably should've shortened the stage name, hon) plays a bitchy sidekick (poorly) in Hannah Montana and a bitchy sidekick (poorly) in Camp Rock. Let's see if she can actually act off a decent script (assuming this movie has a decent script)! Finally, Bitchy Dance Goddess is played by Kherington of So You Think You Can Dance Season 4, who wasn't our favorite, but at least we know she can dance, which is not always the case in these kinds of movies, Zac Efron.

So cast-wise I am cautiously optimistic. But...listen to those soundtrack snippets again, or at least the second and last ones, the snippets of the title song. "Fame" is not a laidback, groovy dance tune. It is not cool. It is not patient. It is an explosion of ambition and joy and excitement, of dancing on taxis and demanding attention. It is this:



I don't care what you do to the plot, NewFame, but give me that uncontrollable longing bursting out of every student in that school, or you and I will have some very harsh words.

"The Gay One"

Towleroad: The old joke is that absolutely every boy band has one gay member--

Nathaniel: [Laughs] Some have two!

So when Jess and I did our write up of V Factory, we were basically joking about Nathaniel being The Gay One. It's definitely an archetype, particularly in the post-Lance era, but we were basically saying that with absolutely nothing to back it up. (See also Thomas of Varsity Fanclub.)

But, turns out, we were right! We hadn't seen this interview yet, or reference to it on the official site or on the fansite we checked out, but sure 'nuff Nathaniel Flatt is gay and out.

Jess said awhile ago of 90s boyband Boyzone that it was kind of cool that, in their reunion, they had their The Gay One singing his ballad to a dude, but, "I mean, it's less groundbreaking than it would be if an up-and-coming boy band did it, but there are no up-and-coming boy bands (more's the pity, and no, the Jonas Brothers do not count), so I'll take what I can get." Well, now we've got an Official Boy Band Watch on officially, and we've got an up-and-coming group with an out member.

And yes, it remains pretty awesome. Here's that link again. Nathaniel definitely makes a good showing for himself, and is both charming and insightful, so thumbs up for him and for V Factory.



Also, turns out he may just be doubling up archetypes as The Hot One.

OTWOBBW: V Factory

First up is V Factory. And really, we can’t give you a better introduction than Wikipedia can: “The members have yet to confirm what the ‘V’ stands for. Wesley Quinn, in an interview with Popstar! Magazine, stated that ‘the V is a hidden meaning between the five of us.’ He also states that the meaning will come out like the FedEx box in the movie, Cast Away, which stars Tom Hanks.”


Image: Well, they certainly look like a boy band. Flipping through their gallery made us nostalgic for the late 90s, so thumbs up to that. The cuteness quotient could be higher, but that’s their Svengali’s fault, not theirs. They’re smart enough to put the Cute One front and center at all times, and vaguely coordinate the outfits, but they’re striving for legitimacy too much right now, what with the moody backlit promotional photos and Hoodies of Despair. They need more primary colors and jumping on each other. Fake legitimacy can come later. 3 out of 5.

Archetypes: Asher is clearly The Heartthrob, as he is the cutest and the lead singer. He will heretofore be referred to as “Ash Kash Bigash.” Wesley, who is little and blond, is The Little Blond One. Look out, Ash Kash: history indicates that he will eventually usurp your position (see also Carter, Nick; Timberlake, Justin). At first we thought Nathanial was The Other One, but after seeing him list He’s Just Not That Into You as one of his favorite books and Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List as one of his favorite TV shows, he has been upgraded to The Gay One. Nicky T. has the boy bandiest name; he’s usually wearing a tie and/or cardigan, which makes him The Responsible One. (Also, he was apparently a member of Quest Crew, which is pretty hardcore.) And finally, Jared, though apparently the “template” on which the band was based, appears to serve no purpose. Sorry, Jared. You’re The Other One.

Missing: The Bad Boy. Hurry up, Jared! It’s not too late! We also have yet to identify The Funny One, so start short sheeting the others’ beds. 3 out of 5.



Music Video: Nothing to write home about. They seem to have misread their audience, because twelve-year-olds don’t want you grinding in a dystopian bunker, they want you frolicking in a meadow (see above). The dancing, too, has a goofily joyous quality that smacks of HSM, which is appropriate for a cheerful musical about singing and basketball, but not for a faux R&B song playing in a club made out of a converted bomb shelter. They have also made the rookie mistake of allowing a sexy girl to actually touch them in their first video. I assure you that if V Factory makes it big, that girl will be receiving countless death threats on Hello Kitty stationary. 2 out of 5.

Personality: We did watch a video of Asher spilling a milkshake on himself and Nicky T laughing his ass off at him while Nathanial broke into song and the other two pretended not to know them, so that was entertaining. There’s potential for endearing BFFness/bromance, which is vital for boy bands, but they will need to step it up withthe wacky interviews – possibly ones in which they argue over who has the messiest bunk on the tour bus. Also, Nathanial is super gay, which we like. 4 out of 5.

Oh yeah, the music: Vocally, nothing too impressive, but on “Love Struck,” which is clearly intended to be their big single (and is inexplicably two words), they have managed to obscure the weakness of their singers with judicious application of almost every button on the soundboard. It’s hard to tell whether whoever’s singing lead on “Love Struck” is genuinely better than whoever’s singing lead on the other three song clips on their site – or even whether it’s a different guy – but it certainly sounds a bit better, by which we mean less nasal. There has certainly been no effort made to showcase anyone’s vocal performance, which makes us suspicious that there is nothing to showcase. 3 out of 5.

Bonus hilarious lyrics: "She bad/ She bad/ She bad/ She bad/ She bad/ She bad/ She bad/ She bad..."

Final Score: 15/25. Out of the various boy bands we’ve looked at, they appear to have the best lineup and the best chance, but they’re lacking the crucial element of looking like they really are having fun. Smile, boys. Your tweens demand it.