Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Moving Day

Attention, faithful Tweenage followers (all 12 of you): Tweenage Wasteland is moving! Specifically, to Wordpress, 'cause we like it better. Our new home is:

(It's pink! It's got Zef posing ridiculously! What's not to love?)

For those of you who follow our LJ feed, you don't need to worry about a thang, since it's been updated to point to the new blog. Huzzah! If, however, you're following us directly from our RSS feed, we ask that you resubscribe over here.

For those of you who found us by Googling "selena gomez baby pictures," you can continue to do so, and we will continue to not have any. Sorry.

And for those of you who want me to shut up and give you that link again, it's:

See you there!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Friday Flashback: Boyz II Men

Every frame of this video is more hilarious than the last.

Boyz II Men: I'll Make Love to You (1994)

Monday, October 31, 2011


It puts his love of a terrible mustache to good use, but it's the shorts that really make the costume. I don't say this often, but well played, Zac Efron. Well played.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

"My name is Makenzie, and I'm 25 and three quarters."

As much as I love Tizz, I'm actually kind of glad Hellcats was canceled, because maybe she'll go back to being comedy. And you guys, she is HILARIOUS.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

So yesterday your lovable Tweenage bloggers went to see Big Time Rush at Six Flags:

(Can you see us? We're on the left.)

Now, we've ragged on their musical abilities in the past. And the last time Becky saw them in concert was...not good. So we weren't expecting much from the band last night. We were just going because we love them, and hey, Six Flags!

You guys. They were actually...really kind of good? I know, we were surprised too!

I mean, the choreography and the execution thereof was subpar, as usual, but they were actually singing (even Nsync didn't always do that!) and they all sounded good! Even Logan! Even James, who was clearly too exhausted from running and jumping and "dancing" to oversing the way he usually does. It turns out we were right - when he doesn't oversing, he's got a lovely voice!

They even sat down and performed acoustic versions of three songs ("Stuck," "I Want to Hold Your Hand," which baffled the small children, and "Worldwide"). "Worldwide" is so much better when it's acoustic, you guys! They've learned how to harmonize! And Becky only wanted to stab James a little during "I Want to Hold Your Hand!" (She has Feelings about Beatles covers.) Also, they invited a little girl up onstage for "Worldwide" because it was her seventh birthday and sang it to her and you could hear little popping noises throughout the crowd as everyone's ovaries exploded. EVEN THE DUDES'.

It was also a pretty extensive set - they played everything on the album except for the two duets and "Oh Yeah" (thanks for that, boys), plus "Famous," "Any Kind of Guy" (really, though?), the aforementioned Beatles cover, and "If I Ruled the World." I consider 13 songs good concert-going value.

Other things to note:
  • Logan is still refusing to attempt to learn to dance. STOP THAT, LOGAN.
  • Kendall was wearing a boater and suspenders. Jess is torn between horrified laughter and kind of being super attracted to him. She's very conflicted.
  • Becky has not been giving James Maslow's hips enough credit. They don't lie!
  • CARLOS. Oh my goodness, y'all, Carlos Pena is a perfect human being. He had the best stage presence, he was completely adorable with the little girl, his voice is gorgeous and for once was free of all the post-production nonsense they slap onto it in the studio, he's the sharpest dancer, and he is THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN PULL OFF WEARING A HAT. We are both nearly 30 and we were chinhandsing in his general direction all night. CARLOS, YOU'RE THE BEST ONE.
  • There is nothing more adorable than flocks of children (of both genders!) running around a theme park in homemade BTR shirts.
In conclusion, Big Time Rush is actually kind of awesome live, and we are totally going to see them again next time they tour. But they should leave the hats at home.

Except Carlos.

(He's the best one.)

Maybe he's gunning for a role in the Gilligan's Island remake.

I...I don't even know what to say to this. Drake, why do you want to make me sad?

Monday, August 15, 2011

blast from the past

Just for Jess: This turned up on my tumblr dashboard today...

"Awesome" is a totally valid topic of conversation.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Sparks Flew. Like, a year ago. Whoops?

[Note: I wrote this review, like, 11 months ago and kept forgetting to post it. But I've been in a tween girl music frenzy the past week or so, so I dusted it off, just for you!]

I really like Miranda Cosgrove. It helps, of course, that I've been watching her grow up since she was a tiny little thing on Drake and Josh, but she just seems to be a sweet girl with her head on straight, and I'm very fond of her.

This is why it's so sad that she projects awkwardness and discomfort, like, all the time. She's not a bad actress, and she's incredibly pretty, but she looks like she's dying of self-consciousness every time I see her. I want to tell her to stand up straight, take her hands off her hips, and take several deep breaths. Case in point. (Though if I were wearing that jacket, I'd be shrugging awkwardly too.)

But the good thing is, this is an entirely visual issue, and so while listening to her first full-length album, Sparks Fly, I can just enjoy her lovely voice and my positive feelings towards her, and don't have to worry about how twitchy I get while watching her.

Speaking of her voice, I was pleasantly surprised! After hearing her (very enjoyable) contributions to the iCarly soundtrack, I had mentally categorized her - a little dismissively - in the "somewhat squeaky, thin-voiced soprano" group with Aly and AJ, Emily Osment, and Selena Gomez. As one of the better ones, to be sure, but nothing to write home about. And I still wouldn't say she has a voice for the ages - she's not as striking or powerful as, say, Miley - but her pipes are strong and she has impressive range. In "There Will Be Tears," for example, she takes the verses about an octave deeper than usual, and sounds like an entirely different person. (Still good, though.)

The music is standard pop fare, but I love standard pop fare, so that's not a complaint. There are, inevitably, some bombs: the overproduced dancepop variety ("BAM"); the overly-saccharine inspirational ballad variety ("Hey You"); and the "I think I'm a rock star but I am incorrect" variety ("Daydream"). But for the most part the album is extremely listenable, whether Miranda's singing with breathless excitement about new love ("Kissin' U," "Shakespeare") or sassy disdain about a man who done her wrong ("There Will Be Tears," "Brand New You"). There are some nice ballads, too: "Beautiful Mess" is a surprisingly convincing picture of the messy end of a troubled relationship, and Miranda gets to show off her belt nicely in "What Are You Waiting For?"

My favorite, though, is the bouncy, hiccupy "Disgusting" - I listened to the album straight through, then went back and listened to this one like ten times in a row. My only quibble is the utterly baffling line "It's disgusting how you change me/ From a bandit to a baby." Bandit? Really? Because that just makes me picture this:

...which is actually a pretty delightful image, so BONUS POINTS.

Seriously, though, Sparks Fly is pretty much an all-around great pop album, and definitely one of my favorite offerings from the various TV pop princesses. Well done, Miranda. Might I suggest more music and less shrugging in your future? Pretty please?

Thursday, August 11, 2011


Recently, when I've flipped past Nickelodeon, I've seen promos for Bucket and Skinner's Epic Adventure. Sometimes I think I should watch it! Then I look at the main characters.

Or more specifically, the blond one. I don't know who's Bucket and who's Skinner, because literally all I can think is, "WHAT IS ON YOUR HEAD??"

What is that?? And I don't mean the hat.

Child, WHAT




....and all I can do is stare in blinking incomprehension, and that is why I haven't actually watched the show.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Maybe there's just a breeze at head height.

Zef. Either it is hot enough for a horrible tank top and jams, or it is cold enough for a wool cap. PICK ONE.

P.S. Really? Jams?

Sunday, July 24, 2011

A Second Look at Victorious

Wow, so. Okay. I'm already on record as not liking Victorious, but in the last year, I've actually kind of come around on the cast members. Victoria Justice, while she has zero stage presence, actually has a powerful instrument in her voice. Ariana Grande is actually amazing and probably Jess's new favorite. I think it's pretty great that Avan Jogia made a PSA for Straight But Not Narrow. I've heard rumors the rest of the cast is also pretty talented. So when the new episode of Big Time Rush ended and Victorious came on, I figured hey, why not give the show another shot?

Big mistake.

Man, this show is not only not good, it's still actively, really offensive.

The episode was about the kids making a movie and some jackass young director taking credit for it; meanwhile, Puppet Kid (who's name apparently is Robby or Robbie; I can't be assed to look up which spelling, because of all the loathing I have) and Douchey Hot Guy (Beck) fix Robby's car. And that was the way more troubling plotline.

First, let's start with some casual transphobia: Robby refers to his car as "it," and Beck corrects him: vehicles get "she" and other female pronouns. "Not just cars. Cars, boats… my 'uncle Barbara,'" with sarcasm and finger quotes. Ha hah ha, silly transgender people, trying to forge identities that feel correct to them! Ha ha ha, let's use them as punchlines, because it's not like it's a group that faces incredible amounts of stigma and discrimination, including but not limited to frequent assault and murder! Hi-fucking-larious.

So the plotline then goes on: girls gather to watch Beck get greasy, working on the car; Robby wants to impress them and embarrasses himself. This, of course, leads to one of the girls turning a hose on him -- with spray so powerful he is knocked off his feet. Now on the one hand, at least the show doesn't sympathize with him for objectifying girls; on the other hand, he is physically assaulted and it is played for laughs. When Beck finally looks up and sees this, he encourages the girl with the hose to do it some more. So I guess he's a good enough friend to fix Robby's car for him, but not a good enough friend to, uh, not want Robby to be badly injured.

That's a major problem that underlies this show and every single character in it: they have zero empathy for one another, or indeed, other human beings in general. But more on that in a second. First, to wrap up this storyline, Beck finishes fixing the car and Robby laments that the girls were only there to watch him, and now he's bummed. Beck points out that… girls love guys with cars. Robby adds, "Right, because I can drive them places. Like… shopping!" LOLOLOL girls all love shopping, you guys! I've never heard that as a punchline before, ever. Hilarious cutting edge comedy! Or wait, no, the opposite of that.

Anyhoo, Beck goes off to "find [Robby] some cheerleaders who need rides," which is pretty gross and objectifying, but while he's gone, some thugs or someone come and steal Robby's car. While Robby sits and pouts, the cheerleaders roll their eyes and walk away. The end.

So in summary: 1) transgender people make for good comedy, 'cause the entire concept of someone choosing a gender identity not based on the one assigned at birth is funny; 2) girls love shopping and are shallow; 3) physical assault is funny.

The main plotline was mostly better, and even managed to contain some funny lines. Tori's exchange with her sister was mean but funny (if only because Trina -- is that her name? Wait, I still don't care -- doesn't seem too upset by it), and the exchange between Andre and Tori, "What's the plan?" "You're smart, [Jade's] mean, you figure one out," actually made me laugh.

So… the director was a jerk and took all the credit, and they came up with a wacky revenge scheme, involving calling him out on a live talkshow. And I guess for some reason, they can't do it themselves…? So okay, Andre hires his cousin to do it. And that's where it becomes problematic, because Andre's cousin is 100% Sassy Black Woman Stereotype. She sasses at the kids, then the talkshow gets started. And, shockingly, the jackass director actually gives them credit! The kids are stunned… then turn to the cousin, trying to signal to her not to go through with the plan, but she shoots them a thumbs up and starts yelling at the director, and then -- you guessed it! -- physically assaults him.

The kids muse that they feel kind of bad, because the director actually did the right thing in the end, and maybe they should help him. Instead, they go get waffles, while the Sassy Black Woman, you know, continues to beat him. Because hey! Physical assault! It's funny!

Basically, my issues are 1) racism, because hey, did you know black people are really really agressive??? Oh wait, that's a racist stereotype; and 2) assault isn't funny. I can feel exactly what comedic beat the show was going for there: it is funny to have a normal person observe something absurd, consider it for a moment, and then move right along as if weren't absurd at all. But the reason that doesn't work here is because it's not funny to walk away from an assault that you caused as if nothing problematic is going on. The kids weren't being hilarious here, they were being assholes. Just like Beck to Robby earlier.

Why are these characters so unable to see that causing serious injury is, you know, bad? That laughing at someone's misfortune is cruel? They aren't a group of friends (or frenemies, in Jade's case); they're a group of sociopaths. Why is it meant to be funny when you get someone horrifically hurt, as was the director; or when you set your friend up for injury and humiliation, as Beck and Robby? Look: a fun show about a wacky group of friends should, ideally, make viewers wish they were part of that group of friends. This show? Makes me wonder how long it'll be until most of the characters are in jail. I wouldn't want to be friends with a single one of them.

So our finally tally…

Sexism? [✔]
Transphobia? [✔]
Randomly vicious, borderline-sociopathic protagonists? [✔]
Racist stereotype? [✔]

So I guess it wasn't just a few unfortunate choices in the pilot. This show is full of fail, and, having given it a second look, I do not think I will ever, ever give it a third. I really want to like some of the members of the cast, and I'm genuinely sad that they're all on this show.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Friday Flashback, and a Discussion Question

Britney Spears: ...Baby One More Time (1998)

Christina Aguilera: Genie in a Bottle (1999)

I recently watched the "Genie in a Bottle" music video for the first time in a while, and I was shocked at how blatantly sexual it is. Not because I felt the need to clutch my pearls or anything, but because I don't remember any controversy about it, whereas I do remember people talking about the "...Baby One More Time" video like the world had come to an end.

But Christina's midriff is just as bare as Britney's, and the song is far more suggestive. While Britney did a cheerful little dance and some gymnastics, Christina spends most of "Genie" rolling around on the beach at night in tiny shorts, and at one point writhing on the hood of a car like the B-roll from a heavy metal video.

(Please note that I think "Genie" is a fantastic video and I am not trying to imply that Christina did anything wrong. I'm just noting that the sexuality is more overt than in "...Baby.")

So why the lack of controversy? Was it because Christina was over 18 at the time, and Britney wasn't? Because Christina didn't combine that sexuality with the trappings of childhood (the infamous schoolgirl uniform)? Because Christina is biracial, and biracial women are stereotyped as being more sexual and can thus "get away" with acting sexier? Or were we as a culture simply inured to the concept of blonde teenagers' bellybuttons at this point?

Let me know what you think! Once you're done watching the videos and reminiscing, that is. It's okay, I'll wait.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

A Fairly Decent Movie: I'm As Surprised As You Are, Timmy Turner!

I love Drake Bell. I think he’s adorable, and a super talented actor and musician, and basically an all-around cool human being. (And I saw him in concert a few weeks ago. I should probably write that up.) Which is why I’m so frustrated with his post-Drake and Josh acting choices, because he seems really committed to cheerfully making terrible movies no one wants to see. (I’m also frustrated with Josh, but that’s less because of his acting choices and more because he’s a pothead.)

I successfully avoided College and Superhero Movie, but I did make Becky TiVO the live-action Fairly Odd-Parents movie last week, mostly out of morbid curiosity. I didn’t watch the show much, which was somewhat after my youthful Nick-watching days and before my weird grownup Nick-watching days, but I was familiar enough with it to be horrified by Drake’s decision to slum it. Regardless, I figured the movie would be terrible and thus good for a lulzy blogpost.

Unfortunately, there are no lulz for you, because – shockingly! – the movie wasn’t terrible.

Oh, it was incoherent. The basic premise is that Timmy, knowing that he’ll lose his beloved fairy godparents (and godbrother) when he grows up, refuses to leave the fifth grade or his parents’ house, and thus even though he’s 23, he’s still basically a kid. But when Tootie, a dorky girl who had a crush on him when they were kids, returns to town all hottified, he starts to consider the benefits of leaving childhood behind. Meanwhile, basically everyone else in the world wants him to give up the fairies.

This means that there are anywhere from three to five antagonists: A mean ol’ businessman who wants to pave over Dimmsdale Park teams up with Timmy’s teacher to steal Timmy’s fairies. Meanwhile, Jorgen Von Strangle tries to force Timmy to fall in love in order to make him grow up. Also Vicky, Timmy’s old babysitter, is in the movie but with basically nothing to do. And Tootie/love itself is its own conflict.

So everything happens really fast, there’s not enough time given to any characters or relationships to make the payoffs work, and I was honestly kind of lost. Plus the vague attempts to make the movie cartoony didn’t really work. And there’s a brief scene where Cosmo and Wanda turn into humans, because apparently Jason Alexander and Cheryl Hines had nothing better to do with their time (the creepy-looking CGI characters are voiced by their regular actors for the bulk of the movie). And no one seemed particularly skeptical of or surprised by the fairies.

And yet the movie…kind of works? And that’s 80% because of Drake, who, bless his soul, totally goes for it and makes you believe that he’s this earnest, fun-loving little manchild. (It helps that Drake Bell is one of the Fair Folk, and boyishly adorable.) Timmy is a delight all the way through, and while I don’t think this movie was necessarily the right choice for Drake, Drake was clearly the right choice for this movie.

Another 15% of the credit goes to Daniella Monet, who also totally throws herself into the role of Tootie. (Actually, no one phones it in in this, which is more than you can say for the typical DCOM. Also, the production values are much better.) I still can’t sit through an episode of Victorious, but the supporting ladies of the cast are growing on me. And 5% of the credit goes to Timmy’s random little kid friends, who get all the best lines, and one of whom is wearing a Jughead hat for no particular reason.

There were some gross gender-related issues in the movie, mostly involving Timmy’s friends AJ and Chester refusing to help him save his godparents and Tootie unless he magically coerced some hot girls into dating him, and the awful dynamics of Cosmo and Wanda’s marriage (she nags him! he insults her! hilarious!). But for the most part, the movie, while not good by any stretch of the imagination, wasn’t really bad either. And for a live action made-for-TV special based on a cartoon, what more can you ask?

Saturday, July 9, 2011

did me old ears hear someone singing a birthday?

Happy 20th birthday, Sandwich Boy.

Don't worry, I'm sure you'll grow out of your awkward phase soon.


Sunday, July 3, 2011

Teen Choice Awards Employs Time Travel, Breaks Space-Time Continuum.

The Teen Choice Awards nominees were recently announced, and I am all at a loss. Now, according to my calendar it's 2011, but according to these nominations, I am way off. So what year is it really?

J-Lo as a red carpet icon: 2000?

A girl-on-girl kiss scene for Choice Liplock, and Enrique Iglesias for Choice Male Artist: 1999?

Kevin Bacon involved with anything with the word "Teen" in it: 1984?

Or heck, with Angel, Pacey Witter, Dean Forester, and Clark Kent all up for acting awards, maybe the early 2000s spirit of the WB is simply trying to claw its way out of its grave, vampire-like:

Come on, tweens of today. You have your own heartthrobs. Quit stealing mine, or I'll make you watch more of those WB promos. The one from 2000 is particularly killer.

A Challenger Approaches

Uh oh! Looks like Robert Pattinson is gunning for the coveted TW position of Dude Making Stupid Faces in Wool Hats! Zac Efron better watch his back.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

It's better than bad: It's Good.

(If you get the reference in this post's title, congratulations! You're old like me.)

As the ever more desultory posts here can attest, Becky and I really really like Big Time Rush. And though the extremely hilarious Erin Sanders (Camille) is our favorite BTR gal (so funny! so cute! so inappropriately hot!), we're also very fond of Katelyn Tarver (Jo), so when I heard she was releasing a single, I had me a listen:

And, you know, it's good. (Zing!) Neither the song or her performance are anything to write home about, but they're also perfectly respectable. I like it, and I'll probably get her EP when it comes out.

But it was hard for me to tell how good a singer she actually is, since the song isn't super challenging, and it's a bit autotuned. (Not hugely. But a bit.) So I went looking on YouTube, since most of the Nick/Disney actress/singer crowd has tons of videos of themselves singing Katy Perry songs in their bathrooms or whatever. Instead, I found this:

That's 14-year-old Katelyn singing on American Juniors, and being so cute I can hardly stand it. (Also, how did I not know this show existed? This show was made for me!) She's precious! But hm, who does she remind me of?

Somehow it only makes me love her more.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Big Time DVD

If you’re a regular reader of our extremely intermittent posts, you’ve probably deduced that we really love Big Time Rush. So we were delighted to receive copies of Big Time Rush Season One, Volume One, which drops this coming Tuesday. And then watch them. Again. And again. And again.

Becky: My ever so patient older sister has now seen the eleven included episodes often enough that she has them memorized. (Don’t believe any complaints. She loves them. It’s not Stockholm-y at all.) Anyway. The DVD itself looks nice enough. The front cover is surprisingly serious for such a funny show, but there are grins on display on the back. (Inside is this, which is a lovely photo, but confidential to James Maslow: you can generally either have a sexily unbuttoned shirt or a sexily loosened tie, but both at once just looks kind of silly.) Copy-wise, everything printed on the DVD has a somewhat tenuous relationship to punctuation, and skews towards overuse the Dropped G of Not At All Awkward Coolness. The boys are “hangin’,” and “learnin’,” and both the cover and the episode summaries inside are painfully obviously written by an adult trying to sound like a tween. (Though maybe that beats the reverse, earnestly but incoherently written by an actual tween.)

Jess: As for the episodes themselves, well...they’re great. This is a review of the DVD and not the show itself, so I won’t gush too much about the content, except to say that Big Time Rush is smarter and funnier than pretty much any kid-oriented sitcom I’ve ever seen. As you might imagine, the video and audio quality are high - it’s not like much remastering was required. My only complaint about the way the episodes are presented is that each one is an entire chapter on the DVD, meaning you can’t skip halfway through an episode or over the theme song.

Becky: Aside from episodes, the main reason to buy a DVD is the special features. Unfortunately, the Big Time Rush DVD is pretty lacking in that area. There are exactly two: pop-up trivia for a single episode (“Break”), and a photo gallery. Now, our brains are the information-gathering equivalent of hoarders, meaning the trivia episode is basically amazing, but the gallery is exactly one picture of each band member, so that’s... not a huge draw. I assume the target audience for the DVD is probably not as interested in features as adults tend to be, so this isn’t actually a huge loss or anything; but, given how charming and goofy the actors are (and how there’s clearly already lots of existing backstage footage, since there’s plenty available at, it seems like a lost opportunity. Alas.

Jess: One final thing that’s mildly annoying to your two too-old-for-this-show bloggers is that this is Season One, Volume One, and contains only the first 12 episodes of the first season. I’d rather have the whole season in one box. Also, this set retails for $19.99, which means that the whole first season will eventually set fans back about $40. If it came in one set, it would probably be priced closer to $30...but would be out of the target audience’s budget, where $20 is more likely to be either in their pockets or wheedled out of Mom and Dad. So while I find the two volume season strategy to be annoying, I recognize that breaking it up into two makes it more accessible to kids, and also admire the shrewdness of Nickelodeon’s pricing strategy. Well played, Big Orange Couch. Well played indeed.

Becky: At our other blog, Jess and I rate books on a scale of one to five cupcakes. Adopting that here, we give Big Time Rush Season One, Volume One a very solid and delicious four cupcakes. The few complaints we have are small quibbles, and probably wouldn’t bother the actual target audience at all. This is a DVD that’s 100% about the episodes it contains and, well, Jess and I and basically can’t say enough good things about this show. The inevitable Volume Two is already on my to-buy list.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

So, what do you think?

Is it for a role, or was Zef just feeling douchier than usual that day?

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Didja hear me say that?

Okay, internet, here is a secret I have been keeping for awhile: I like Miranda Cosgrove much better as a singer than an actress. I mean, she's not… she's not a terrible actress or anything, but as Jess pointed out a few years ago, she's awkward as heck. It doesn't help that her main platform is iCarly, on which she plays the blandest character of the bunch. But her songs are enjoyable! They are very bubblegum, which is a thing I enjoy, and her voice is quite nice -- on the one hand, I don't think it's anything stand out or unusual (she lacks any of the qualities that make Miley distinct) but on the other hand, she avoids both the "yelling as singing" problem (Demi, Victoria Justice) and also the "replaced by robots because she can't actually sing at all" problem (Selena Gomez). She's pretty lovely to listen to, and while I wish her songs had a bit more to make them unique, I also keep her album on my iPod for when I'm in the mood for girly pop. Which is often.*

So basically, what I'm saying is, I enjoy Miranda as a singer much more than I ever expected to when I heard that the awkward girl from iCarly was getting a record deal. And thus I was eager to check out her latest offering, "Dancing Crazy," when it premiered.

That… that was a bit of a mistake, alas.

Well, okay, actually, first let me say this: I don't hate it as much upon re-listening as I did initially, because the first time I hit the shouty section of the chorus I wasn't prepared for it, and was so very embarrassed for her I was physically compelled to mute it and click away quickly. The thing is, though, that shouty bit is so very horrible it drags the otherwise-catchy song down with it.

It feels very much like whatever army of suit-wearing songwriters put this together realized that she's got the innocent tween thing happening, and because she's not yet breaking out of it by Being Sexy (which is the only way women break out of that, apparently) they tried to find another way to make her seem edgy. So they imported a chorus from, oh, I don't know, an unused Ke$ha song or something, only to realize that Miranda Cosgrove really, really can't pull that off. They kept the concept, watered it down, and ended up with a combination of some of the most inane lyrics I've ever heard ("I like you and you like me / we get together and we're happy") and some that's just outright terrible ("Didja hear me say that? / Didja didja hear me say that? / SMACK" Which doesn't even rhyme).

As for the video, I will say, it isn't dreadful. Miranda is very pretty, and her awkwardness works to her advantage in the few clips of her doing the robot and other such silliness. But aside from that, there's very little actual Dancing Crazy. There are, in fact, a few featured dancers, who are pretty great and do not seem even a little bit out of control or otherwise "crazy", and then a crowd of teens kind of bopping in place. Sometimes they do, in fact, put their hands up, if Miranda implores them to do so. But at least I find the dorky guy totally adorable, which helps.

That said, I worry about the example this video sets. Not because I think kids should never sneak out to go dancing, no! But because it seems to suggest the best way to sneak in and out is the tried and true method of… using your front door at a time in which it's totally reasonable for your parents to be awake and about (11 at night, 7 in the morning). Miranda, how will children learn about crawling out of windows and scrambling down convenient trees and/or trellises and all associated hijinks, if not from you? For shame, Miranda. You have let an entire generation down.

*Also, as it turns out, "Kissin U" is a great karaoke jam.

Monday, March 7, 2011

It's funny because it's true.

I'm so far over Miley Cyrus that I never bothered watching the finale of Hannah Montana. I can't be bothered with the feud she's having with her dad. I didn't even flip past when she hosted SNL. Buuuuuut I ran into reference to this sketch and thought I should share. Apparently someone on the SNL writing staff actually does watch some Disney Channel, 'cause yup. Nailed.

So how happy do we think Miley is that she's not Hannah anymore?

Friday, January 14, 2011

The Long-Lost Sprouse Triplet!

I only heard of it recently, but I won't lie: I'm really looking forward to Disney's Lemonade Mouth, which I guess is basically The Breakfast Club meets Bandslam (but hopefully less hateful in the end). You should know by now that I'm all for groups of teen outcasts coming together to rock out and be friends! Hooray!

Anyway, I just ran across a post about the DCOM's leading lady, Hayley Kiyoko (right), who I know nothing about, but it sounds like she's pretty awesome. She's definitely completely adorable. Except I have to wonder, did they try really hard to make her look like the long-lost Sprouse sister? 'Cause she doesn't in 99% of Google images, and yet.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B: