Sunday, September 21, 2008

Miranda Wrongs

We don't often mention the Nickelodeon side of the tween world on this blog, but I am actually a bichannel girl. While Disney is the one I'm more likely to leave on in the background, since my hatred of the Naked Brothers Band is possibly even more violent than my hatred for the Jonas Brothers, I was a hardcore Drake and Josh fan, and have been attempting to keep up with my iCarly as a lingering show of loyalty to the Schneiderverse (although nothing can make me sit through an episode of Zoey 101).

Reasons I watch iCarly:

1. Jennette McCurdy. So cute!

2. Jennette McCurdy's hair. So pretty!

3. The theme song. So bouncy!

4. The aforementioned lingering show of etc.

As you can see, I did not list the show's star, Miranda Cosgrove. Now, I like M-Cos. She seems like a sweet girl. She's very pretty, she's got a lovely voice, and she gave Drake Bell a kitten.

But holy guacamole that girl cannot act. She can't even stand in front of a camera without looking incredibly, incredibly awkward. On Drake and Josh she was always putting her hands on her hips in a pose that might as well have been subtitled "I don't know what to do with my hands." On iCarly she's perfected what I call Jokeface; those subtitles would read "I am about to tell a joke. I am telling a joke. Did you laugh at the joke I just told? I am laughing! Ha ha." Because nothing is funnier than a sitcom character who is aware of the joke.

And check out her new (I assume) music video:

I kind of like the song. There's something charmingly retro about its cheery take on teenage romance, like an Archie Comic. And Miranda can actually sing quite well, unlike many young actresses who put out albums.

But could she look more embarrassed and uncomfortable to be there? As my friend Mackenzie pointed out, she comes off like she's never been around children her own age - like an adult trying desperately to be cool for the kids. This is one of the many perils of bus school!

Miranda, sweetie, perhaps a career where you have to look comfortable and relaxed in front of many people is not the career for you. Perhaps you would be better off as a telemarketeer, or miner! I only say this because I care.

And in conclusion: Jennette McCurdy's hair! So pretty!

[Image from Totally Jennette.]


Anonymous said...

I agree with everything you wrote here. Jennette McCurdy makes the show for me. Have you seen her youtube channel? I think her username is mebejennette. Gah, could I be more obsessed with tween culture?

And don't get me started on Miranda Cosgrove's deplorable acting. She is cardboard cutout stiff. I've never considered the haven't-been-around-kids-her-age argument. I always thought she's just preternaturally self-conscious. What's sad is how smitten Dan Schneider seems to be with her. He said he wants to write and direct her in movies. Translation: he wants to booze her up and get in her pants. <--crass joke, but I believe it

Anonymous said...

finally, some one who can express there opinion without being negative or nasty about it. You said EVERYTHING I was thinking about Miranda. She seems like she's a sweet person and she can sing better than many actresses putting out albums.But she's just SO STINKIN' STIFF! I didn't really notice it on Drake and Josh, I just thought her character was rather corny..but now that she's on iCarly, I see how awkward she is. and in all honesty, I was "watching" her new music video and literally had to turn away and listen to the song by itself. Her awkwardly spastic "dancing"/movements made me cringe every time I looked. It's just painful to watch. But a weird kinda way, iCarly is entertaining..even with the awkward jokes and faces and movements.