Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Suite Life on Deck

So I watched the premier of the Suite Life on Deck.

It's... really bad.

Like, it's so bad I'm not sure I can convey in mere words. Let's go to the points system:

  • Sightly Better Sprouse is still kind of darling, and Slightly Worse Sprouse has actually improved somewhat! +2
  • Brenda Song is still incredibly adorable! +1
  • Somehow, though, they've removed everything endearing about London -- she was always shallow and dumb, but mostly oblivious and not selfish. Now she's just horrible on every level. -2
  • Cody is still adorably, awkwardly gay, barely subtextually gay. +1
  • Zach is still really, incredibly, extraordinarily hateful. -1
  • Carrie has been written off! Thank. God. +1
  • She's been replaced by an awful wacky teacher, who is somehow a worse actress, and more annoying. -1
  • No Ashley Tisdale to hold the show together by falling down a lot. -5
  • No Arwin or Esteban. Who knew I liked them until they were gone? -1
  • The old mediocre peripheral characters gone, replaced by entirely new mediocre peripheral characters. 0
  • The occasional actually amusing, well-delivered line: +1
  • Moseby! Oh, come on. He's always been the best thing about the Suite Life. +2
  • The Suite Life continues its tradition of plenty of farting, burping, and pooping jokes. -1k
  • All the sexism from the original Suite Life made the jump to sea. -1million
  • Plus a heaping helping of racism, with potential for plenty more as the twins explore wacky foreign cultures! -1bajillion

...Like I said. It wasbad. Why can't we just have a wacky show where Brenda, SBS, and Phil Lewis (Moseby) hang out being endearing? I'd watch that!


Sophie said...

I like when Moseby is on Scrubs.

Rebecca said...

Hooch is craaaazy.

Anonymous said...

I agree on every point...the show's missing the magic of "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody". I miss Ashley Tisdale and Esteban. Woody is disgusting, obese, ugly and not funny at all.

Jessica said...

Woody is disgusting, obese, ugly and not funny at all.

Please refrain from weight hate comments, Anonymous. We're with you on unfunny characters and bad actors, but hating on someone because of their weight isn't cool.