Friday, April 3, 2009

Today's secret word of the day is...

Recently I was flipping through a copy of Elle at the hair salon, and I came across the infamous Zac Efron interview where he infamously explained the infamous "sex shop" pictures. There are few things I want to know less about than the Zefron's greasy-haired, awkward-Ken-doll sex life. For my money, the real gem of the article came later, when the reporter, as an example of how very charming and genuine Zef is, described how Zef shmoozed their star-struck waitress: "You know, you have the most beautiful eyes. Awesome." Because to Elle, "charming and genuine" apparently is synonymous with "UNFATHOMABLY GIGANTIC TOOLBUCKET."

Now, one of my favorite Troy moments in HSM2 is when he's introduced to Mrs. Evans for the first time. "Enchante," she tells him. "Awesome," he replies. To his boss. It is one of the most toolish things he does in the entire movie, and considering that everything Troy ever does is toolish, ever, that's pretty impressive.

The key word in both of these exchanges is the synatically and logically baffling "Awesome," which is neither a greeting nor a proper follow-up to an inappropriate and patronizing compliment. This of course begs the question: did Zef adlib that little bon mot on the golf course, drawing on his vast well of toolish experience? Or has he incorporated Troy's snappy patter into his own everyday life, and will soon be exhorting his fellow actors to get their heads in the game, or possibly work it out? And which would be more hilarious?

A third option: Zef has had some sort of psychotic break where he is no longer able to distinguish between himself and his character, and every morning Vanessa must sit through increasingly long arguments between Zef, trapped in the prison of his most famous role, and Troy, reflected in the mirror, or perhaps in the countless pieces of HSM merchandise papering the walls. You know what? Forget those first two. This one is definitely my favorite.

P.S. Regarding this, April Fools! Don't worry, we still hate the Jonii with the fire of a thousand burning suns. I mean, SKINTIGHT PLASTIC SHORTS WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARRRGH MY EYES I HATE YOU SO MUCH

Picture from Elle, by way of Charismatic.


Tessa said...

this is my favorite thing ever:

"every morning Vanessa must sit through increasingly long arguments..."

I imagine her at the kitchen table, mug of coffee in hand, smiling and nodding but actually thinking about her plans for the day.

You guys make my life.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure I had a Ken Doll from the 80's with the same plastic shorts they're wearing. Except somehow.. Ken was less androgynous. And it was KEN. 1980's Ken, at that!! Oh, MoFoJoBros...are those even made of actual material? Are those just designer garbage bags???