Monday, April 5, 2010

Kids' Choice Awards 2010: I Didn't Actually Watch Them

So the Kids' Choice Awards! They were, uh, a couple of weeks ago. Look, I've been very busy writing a story about gay pirates, okay? It's serious business.

I didn't watch the actual show because I was out of town on a business trip, but I paid very close attention to all the follow-up coverage on the tween blogs. I have no strong feelings about the winners, except surprise over Slightly Worse Sprouse walking away with Choice TV Actor, and firm agreement that iCarly and Selena deserved their wins. I'm here to talk about the most important thing: the clothes. Specifically, the clothes on the tween starlets, because boys are boring, and I don't actually care about Rihanna and Katy Perry.

(Click on the pictures to embiggen.)

Best Dressed: Selena. You guys, she looks like a goddess. I love the summery yellow and the toga-like drape of the dress, and the gladiator-esque sandals and braided belt complement the Greek look without being cheesily on-the-nose about it (and, incidentally, make her legs look about a thousand miles long). The delicate gold accessories and loose side braid are appropriately girlish and, again, help to subtly buttress the theme without being, you know, a heavy collar and an updo and a "DO YOU GET IT THIS IS A GREEK LOOK?" A++++, would KCA again.

Runner Up: Ashley Argota. In preparation for this post I did a little research on Miss Double A Battery here, and YOU GUYS, I LOVE HER. Expect a flaily post about how I want her and Jennette McCurdy to make a thousand musicals about friendship and determination, okay? Anyway, it's not quite as unusual or striking as Selena's, but it's bright and springlike and fun, and she looks great in it, and when we're best friends she's totally going to let me borrow those shoes. I'm like 97% positive this is going to happen. Okay? Okay.

Close But No Cigar: Keke Palmer. Keke P will also be getting a post about how much I love her, because - brace yourselves - I also love her. And, you know, I can see what she's going for here - kind of a funky, unusual fabric (upon close examination those appear to be beads and not candy. alas.) to break up the usual "sundress, colorful pumps, minimal jewelry" look everyone was rocking. And she herself looks lovely, of course. But I just...I want to eat her dress. And I keep wondering if it hurt to sit in it. I feel like these reactions are not optimal! Also, the pockets are awkward.

Yawn: Demi. Clingy. Black. Silvery stuff. Half a size too tight. I repeat: yawn. Demi, there will be plenty of time for this sort of thing when you're a 20something starlet and you're not allowed to wear pastels. In the meantime, you're, like, what, 11 years old? Have a little fun! Wear something with color and flutter to it!

Also, she accessorized really poorly. Is it just me or does it look like Adopted is in costume as a young Doc Brown?

Yawn, Redux: Miranda. Miranda is so, so pretty. I included the closeup solely because I can't get over how insanely pretty she is. But this is so boring. She looks like she's headed to an eighth grade prom in Anywhereville, USA, not an awards show. There's nothing wrong with the dress or the shoes or the bangles, there's just...something missing. It needed something more. (Psst! Miranda! Next time accessorize with Former TV Big Brother and Jess's TV Crush Josh Peck and all is forgiven. Dude has been scarce lately.)

Disappointing: Jennette. I get the feeling Jennette gets tired of stomping around in Sam's board shorts and hoodies and converses, because she always goes all frilly and poofy at events. Which could work (even though Sam's costuming - and all the costuming - is one of the highlights of the show, and she looks adorable in it), but this doesn't. All the baggage around her waist just kind of makes her look like a turquoise creampuff, and also way too matronly for the KCA. My kingdom for a pared-down sundress!

The best-dressed member of the iCarly cast was actually Nathan, surprisingly enough. But look at him! He looks like a little man! (Which is exactly what I said, out loud, when I saw him.) He's totally dreamy if you're eight, and not even in that "eight-year-old girls like boys who look like girls" way - dude's got some shoulders. I love the shades and the cuff; he looks like he just snuck out behind his prep school to grab a smoke, but in a wholesome kind of way. Well done, sir.

(Yes, I know I said I wasn't going to talk about boys. Hush, you.)

Not Winning Me Over, Newbie: Victoria Justice. Her new show looks incredibly blah (I like Leon Thomas and the rival seems amusingly caustic, but Victoria needs to go to the Miley Cyrus School of Shouting Is Not Acting, post haste), and in general the way Nickelodeon is promoting her everywhere (and it does seem to be Victoria Justice the Product, not Victorious the Show, that they're making a big, borderline-creepy deal over) leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The Stacey McGill-esque emphasis on sort of hard-line sexy New York nightclub fashion here doesn't help - "Ooh la la, doesn't this shirring make my dress look tight? It's off-the-shoulder! Check out my peep-toe booties!" It's boring, I can see it walking down Madison Avenue every day of my life, and those booties make me sad, Victoria. Sad inside.

Would a Smile Kill You?: Miley. Nightshirt. Leggings (I think?). Those damn peep-toe booties. Hair. A sullen expression. Jeez, Miley, I know you're money and everything these days, but come on, you're still only 17, and this is the award show aimed directly at the people who made - and are still making - you famous. Make an effort.

Just...No: Justin Bieber. What is this, Bieber? Are the green shoes supposed to be Nickelodeon slime? Have your lower legs been devoured by the dreaded Lime Green Feet-Eating Snakes That Look Like Ugly High-Tops? WHAT ARE YOU DOING, CHILD? Whatever it is, you need to stop. Immediately.

All pics from Just Jared, Jr., which shouldn't surprise anyone.


Shiny Shinx said...

I agree about the Victorious show being a product, and most of the comments, though Miranda's dress was kinda good. :x
Did you happen to watch any of the new episodes of Sonny with a Chance or iCarly(The Ginger Fox one, especially?)?

Rebecca said...

@Shiny Shinx

I've watched the new seasons of Sonny. It's gotten a lot stranger.

Tessa said...

Now I'm curious about your opinion of True Jackson. Ashley and Keke are pretty great (but I adore Matt Shively the most.)

And yes, Sonny has gotten strange. But I have this feeling it's about to get much better. I firmly believe Disney was just confused about how to start off the season now that Demi's a much bigger star than when the show began.

Claire said...

Wrt Justin Bieber, I feel like the best part of his outfit is how easily it can be compared to Nathan's. It's similar yet so bad, with the vest and the black shirt and everything. It's like Nathan is how to style that, and Bieber is exactly how not to.

Anonymous said...

I also was pleased with iCarly winning for best show, but Selena taking the Best Actress (although I actually voted for Keke Palmer!). Selena definitely deserved it and if you get a chance to see her acceptance speech it is just about the most adorable thing in the world.

I also agree with Selena as Best Dressed! She looks gorgeous in yellow.

About Victoria Justice/Victorious and marketing: I AGREE. Honestly, for some reason I feel like Disney did the same thing with Miley (as Hannah) and the Jonas Brothers - that is hype up the actors as some sort of product and tell people that "(YOU) ALREADY LOVE THEM."

That said, as of the pilot, Victorious is a really bad show. It might get better, but honestly, the cast is nothing spectacular (there are like two gems - the sister and the rival; Leon is awesome but I don't actually think he's a super great actor) and the rest of the folks are just... all right.

And the concept along with the main character's personality are SO AWFUL. I've decided to give it until Episode 4 to really pass judgement, but the pilot was pretty much horrendous.

Rebecca said...

Also, re: Least Detestable up there, he's once again striving for Orville Redenbacher. 'Cause that's cool.

Shiny Shinx said...

Personally, I kinda liked the Sonny with a Chance episodes, though they were strange. :x

Jessica said...

@Shinx: I'm so behind on iCarly. Been working on catching up lately, though!

@Tessa: I've actually never seen it! My love of Keke and Ashley is almost entirely random. I do want to try and watch at least a couple of episodes, though.

@Clair: Good point! I think it doesn't help that Bieber seems think he looks like a badass. Dude, you're 14. No 14-year-old looks like a badass. (I don't actually know or care how old he really is.)

@BH: Yeah, I was having a long discussion with Becky and Mackenzie about that today - Nick is selling Victoria to us, not her show, which is a very Disney thing to do, and I don't like it at all. (On Nick - I'm used to it with Disney.) And no, Nick, I don't already love her. Did you see how long it took me to warm up to Tizz?

You will have to keep me posted on Victorious! I wish they'd just kept Leon Thomas as iCarly's random music dude. :(

@Becky: All the kids want to be like O-Red!

Tessa said...

Is her name ACTUALLY Victoria Justice?
Because that's insane.
And if it is, I really don't like that her show is named after her... you guys are right, the show should be the product, not her.

@Jessica True Jackson is not quite my cup of tea. It has its moments, and I enjoy the fact that the guy from Whose Line Is It Anyway plays her boss, but overall it's a pretty poorly constructed show, in my opinion.

Ryan W. Mead said...

@tessa The show name is depicted in promos and logos as "VICTORIOUS" with emphasis on the middle there, which I think is rather clever- the star is Victoria Justice and her characters name is Tori.

And poor Greg Proops is what I call "The Edward Herrmann of True Jackson, VP"- he contributes a lot to the show, but he's always listed as a guest star.