Sunday, July 13, 2008

Picture This: Tizz Making A Bad Career Choice

Oh, Tizz. Honey. NO. This wasn't a star vehicle and was not worth the producer credit.

I watched Picture This because I do kind of love Tizz, but… Man oh man. Picture This is basically what happens if you put the movies Sleepover, 10 Things I Hate About You, Freaky Friday (Lohan edition), She’s All That, and a little Witches of Eastwick in a blender, turn the results into paper mache, and build a science-class volcano out of it, which explodes with lava made of fail.

I’d like to say Tizz was fantastic, but she wasn’t. Sometimes she fell down, and that was good, because Tizz can do a fall-in-a-fountain take brilliantly. And there were a few isolated lines that made me giggle. But overall, the movie was incoherent; it started out as the story of a nerdy girl trying to get noticed by a popular boy, but since he said he liked her about 10 minutes in (even though they’d never conversed and he had a girlfriend), that failed. Then it was a wacky comedy where she had to sneak out and fool her father, while the local mean girls tried to kill her! Which would have worked if it had been that movie from the get-go, or if Tizz’s character had been even mildly endearing, but she wasn’t. Despite her telling the viewers she was a nobody—a poor nobody—she was incredibly entitled and bratty, and not even mildly likable.

THEN it took a sharp left turn into horror when the mean girls tried to use a vial of blood to cast a curse on Tizz! And the popular boy only wanted her to come to his big party so he could bring her upstairs and defile her! But then it all ends up okay, and she’s declared Prom Queen and gets the boy, and also it’s heartwarming because her father finally learns to trust her. Even though she was lying to him through the whole damn movie.

Nothing made sense. Nothing was good, except for the few moments where Tizz fell down. Though not as insanely unable to pick a plotline and stick to it as Camp Rock, it definitely needed to pick a genre, streamline its plot, and let Tizz be her charming, endearing, insane self.

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