A Letter for the President

Dear President-Elect Obama,

Congratulations on your imminent presidency! We here at Tweenage are very happy about it, what with you being a public-speaking genius, a self-proclaimed feminist, a non-crazy person who actually knows, like, where other countries are and stuff, and only a few days away from winning the Dreamiest President Ever competition, which Franklin Pierce has been hogging since 1857.

That said, we fear you might be starting your presidency off on the wrong foot by inviting the Jonas Brothers to play at the Inaugural Ball. You're very busy being President-Elect and choosing puppies and stuff, so you might not know this, but they're detestable. Two of them are made of wax, and they sing like they're constipated. Plus, one of them thinks he's a cowboy, and I think we've had enough pretend cowboys in the White House for a while, don't you?

We understand that your daughters are under the inexplicable spell of the Jonas Brothers (you may want to ask the FDA to check the nation's elementary and middle school cafeteria lunches for hallucinogens, which might go far in explaining this Jonian popularity), but Miley Cyrus was also supposedly asked to perform, and surely she should be enough, what with her actually being good at singing and all. Please reconsider retracting this invitation to the Jonii. Perhaps you can instead extend an invitation to them to be the first Americans to colonize the sun? I'm sure NASA would be happy to rocket them far, far away.

Thank you for your time, and enjoy your inauguration. Say hi to the Lincoln Memorial for us!

Love and fist bumps,

Jess and Becky
Tweenage Wasteland, America

P.S. You may be amused by this article. Just be aware, they spelled the names wrong. For example, "Joe" is spelled "M-O-S-T-D-E-T-E-S-T-A-B-L-E."