Saturday, March 7, 2009

Mitchel Musso, Sandwich Boy

We’re down with Mitchel Musso here at Tweenage. He just seems to be some guy, like maybe Hannah Montana was originally conceived, pitched, and written with only one best friend for Miley, and it was only when they started filming that they realized that they’d forgotten to give her the Disney-mandated best friends of each gender, and Mitchel happened to be on the set, delivering sandwiches for the local deli or something, and got the job. I can see it now: the cast and crew in a panic, scripts flying everywhere, Billy Ray clinging to his own hair for comfort. Mitchel pulls up on his motorized scooter, possibly wearing a visor that says “Musso’s Meats” or something.

Producer: Dammit, how could you let this happen? You know what Walt said before they froze him! Every Disney Channel show protagonist must have a best friend of each gender! Hilary Duff got it, Shia LaBeouf got it, why don’t you get it?

Mitchel: Sandwich delivery!

Writer: I’m sorry! I don’t know how this happened! Please stop hitting me!

Mitchel: I got turkey, I got cheese, I got what looks like chicken parm…

Producer: I will hit you until you find me a twelve-year-old boy of inoffensive charm! Preferably goofy-looking!

Mitchel: This one says no onions. Who had the no onions?

Writer: But where am I supposed to…hey. How about that kid?

Mitchel: Man, if no one claims this, I’m just gonna eat it.

Producer: The kid with the weird hair?

Writer: Yeah. No one on the show has weird hair yet. Well, except Billy Ray.

Billy Ray: *sobs*

Mitchel: Pastrami on rye! I got pastrami on rye!

Producer: Hey, kid!

Mitchel: Yeah?

Producer: You want to be on TV?

Mitchel: …with the pastrami on rye?

Producer: Sure, whatever.

Mitchel: Um, okay.

And a star was born!

(Courtesy of my baby sister, this mental image: “Who ordered the sub with olives?” “Olives…olives…Oliver! Poryes, you magnificent bastard, you’ve done it again!”*)

My extremely long-winded point is that basically, he’s just a dude, albeit a dude with hair that pretty much defies description. And he does have a sort of goofy-looking inoffensive charm, and he’s not actually a bad actor or singer. And his blog, Moments with Mitchel, is simultaneously the most adorable and most hilarious thing I have ever read (he signs every post with an inexplicably hyphenated all-caps “PEACE-OUT!” and I just want to give him a cookie and tell him he did good on the internets).

But since almost every post we do here includes an embedded YouTube video or a stupid picture of Zac Efron, and stupid pictures of Zac Efron, while hilarious, are irrelevant here, I must share with you Mitchel’s new music video:

I have a post planned on the actual subject matter of the song, so let’s leave that aside for now. And I am still at a loss to explain or define Mitchel’s hair (suggestions are welcome!), so we’ll leave that aside as well.

But Mitchel. Honey bunch sweetie pie. You are not a rock star! Don’t feel bad, I say that to Miley all the time (Pop star =/ rock star, Cyrus. Learn it, live it.). But dude, lighten up, remove the ludicrous neckerchief and boots, and stop throwing up the horns!

I will say that I do like that the Television Nerd Who Actually Looks More Like a Williamsburg Hipster Girl gets the various high school clichés around her to smile by just being her goofy self. And then gets to…stand with Mitchel in his stumpifying boots (Mitchel! The Fug Girls are not happy with you!) while they all…um, resolutely face a…thing? Whatever, it’s basically cute.

But Mitchel, I like you so much more when you seem like you’re in on the joke. And here (and, tragically, here), you really, really don’t.

(Also, I know it’s been done before, but that blank white set reminds me of nothing so much as JC Chasez’s indescribably hysterical “All Day Long I Dream About Sex (With You)” video, which I never want to think about in the context of Mitchel Musso ever again.)

*Michael Poryes, co-creator of Hannah Montana. Yes, I looked up the show’s creator to make that joke. That is the kind of dedication you can expect here at Tweenage Wasteland.


Shadow Eevee said...

Heh, I like the song a bit. :P Lol, now the whole 'Mitchel= Sandwich boy' thing makes sense. :P

Rebecca said...

Wow. Mitchel should do those Neutrogena commercials instead of Vanessa. Or perhaps use a less Vasaline-d camera?

Shadow Eevee said...

LOL, he'd fit in perfectly. :x Even though he'd have to wear a hairnet. The first time I tried those stuff out it got it all over my hair. D:

Blue Jay said...

Hey, B! Did you get my email? Because I worked really hard on it, all for you. I might have used the wrong email address. Is it still I emailed it to both that one and, but I don't think either of them worked. Please get back to me, because I think you'll really like what's attached to that email!
Thanks in advance,
Blue Jay

Jessica said...

Shadow Eevee: Yeah, we figured somewhere along the line we should probably explain Sandwich Boy. Sometimes we forget that the nonsensical things we talk about aren't common knowledge.

Blue Jay said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rebecca said...

Hey Jill,

Thanks for your emails, I will get back to you when I have the time -- however, this is a very unrelated project, and we'd prefer to keep these comments on topic. This is not a great way to contact me in the future.


Rebecca said...

(Also: I deleted the comment with your e-mail address so you don't get attacked by spam bots.)

Blue Jay said...

Okay, thanks! Oh, and you can describe his hair as a good sandwich boy wearing his helmet when he got discovered and the hair dressers decided to permanently hairspray his hair in the funny helmet hair position. ;)

Jess's Baby Sis said...

so... occasionally i like to check in every now and then... make sure my big sis up to staying out of trouble, not making zac efron cry too much now.... I do, in fact, recall Mitchell bringing the olive loaf or whatever to set and the hilarious calamity that brought about his career! Love you Jessie!

-Move! I wanna take a picture!

Jessica said...

Blue Jay: That is the best description of his hair I have seen so far. *dying*

Baby Sister: AHAHAHA. It is now my life goal to make Zef cry. I WILL DO IT! Also, Mitchel is probably the only person in the world who is a star (well, "star") thanks to olive loaf. Now move! I wanna take a picture!