Brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack, 'cause when I leave for the night I ain't coming back

Would these two fresh-faced Disney kids go anywhere unsavory?

You know, it's funny. A couple of the tween blogs I keep on my Google reader lit up yesterday with articles about how Zac Efron was in town to premier his new dead-sibling-meets-manic-pixie-dream-girl flick, and also went to In the Heights to see Corbin. D'awww. The blogs explained that they went out together afterwards to catch up. One even specified that they drank mojitos. Cool beans.

And yet somehow, these blogs TOTALLY FAILED to mention that in actual fact, omg you guys, Zef and Corbin WENT TO A STRIP CLUB and dropped TWO GRAND on drinks and dances. OH BOYS. It's like they knew I had nothing to post about and decided to go get lap dances JUST FOR ME.* I dunno, I think it says something about how much I love these kids that I just find this endearing. I react like I do when my cat does something particularly cute: "Awww, who's an adorable widdle heartthrob who wishes he was a grown up? It's you! Yes you are! Yes you are!"

Though I think the funniest part might be the mystery insider's comment that their favorite strippers all vaguely resembled Vanessa. Um, should someone tell Zef that he can probably actually can hit that as soon as he gets back to LA? Presumably without spending 2k? I mean, he's dumb, but not THAT dumb, right? "That night, Efron walked the red carpet at the premiere of Charlie St. Cloud. Hudgens was not at his side, although she attended the LA screening last week." Right. Surely that's connected to his stripper escapades, and not because she's busy with another project on the other coast, and also has attended this movie's premier once already. SCANDAL!

But what I'm really curious about is who the mysterious "other male friend" with them was, especially since he was the one spending all the money, it seems. Having grown up on late 80s/early 90s after-school specials, I'm assuming he was the out of character Buster Bunny to their hesitant-but-easily-persuaded Plucky and Hamton. Presumably now that they've tasted the forbidden delights of likker and wimmin, they're also both alcoholics who will die in a car crash, y'know, tomorrow. I bet Hudge will look awesome in a black veil.

So remember, kids! Cartoon All-Stars say don't do drugs! But if you do find yourself drinking in a strip club, please make sure it's at least this hilarious.

* I choose not to speculate about anyone's sexuality in this particular blog post. Feel free to insert your own joke here about how there's very little other reason one or the other or both would be interested in lapdances from the ladies. I'm just sayin'. I mean, not sayin'. I mean…

A very adult post for a tween-centric blog!

Vanessa's already been naked on the internet, and Disney still dragged her back for HSM3. Zef apparently tried like whoa to get out of the movie until they coughed up a lot of cash, but now there are those rumors about HSM4. Perhaps he and V are still worried about getting dragged back in to teeny franchise hell, because this happened:



Yeah, that's Zef and Vanessa posing with a fan. In a sex toy shop. While he wears a particularly tool-ish hat. Check the rundown of the toys in the background here at Defamer.

Hat tip to our BFF Margot.

"...it's dry and they all have distinct characters..."

We haven't made an official intro post, because we're lazy, but who cares, because OH MY GOD YOU GUYS THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER.

So apparently there's this whole scandal about Miley Cyrus's Vanity Fair photos, and with good reason - they're creepy as all get out. (Rebecca says the second looks like a vampire. Who just got out of the shower. And has terrible posture. And the first is all "Why yes, we do attend Purity Balls. Wholesome!") But has anyone read the accompanying article? Because WHOA NELLY.

But back to Sex and the City. Miley says her Disney Channel sitcom, Hannah Montana, in which she plays a schoolgirl with a secret life as a rock star, is patterned in part after the former HBO series about women looking for love and hookups in Manhattan. “Obviously not the scenarios,” she explains quickly. “But if you watch Sex and the City, like the way the friends are, the way that it’s dry and they all have distinct characters—that’s a thing we try to do on our show.”

Sex and the City. Is like Hannah Montana.

Um. Hannah Montana is not dry. Hannah Montana has never even approached dry. Hannah Montana would not know what dry was if you left it in the Sahara for three months with nothing to eat but overcooked cornbread. It's hard to be dry when you're screaming while wearing a silly hat.

And. "Distinct characters"! "Not everyone is the same! Just like our show! Also, everyone has a nose!"

Oh man. Oh man oh man, I will be laughing about this ALL NIGHT. Who cares if she's not wearing a bra, this is FUNNY SHIT.