Ryan's Top 10 Gayest Moments
- 10. "Golden Throat? This is Jazz Square."
Becky: I suspect the only way this could be gayer is if Ryan's nickname was Golden Throat.
Jess: I'm sure among certain special interest groups it is. And by "certain special interest groups," I mean the dudes he has sex with.
- 9. Ryan: Hi, Mommy!
Mrs. Evans: Ducky! How's my dashing boy?
(They kiss their fingertips and touch them together; then Ryan joins his mother at yoga.)
Mrs. Evans: Tell Pumpkin if she worries she'll get frown lines.
Ryan (sighing, resigned): I told her twice.
Jess: Lucas's fey body language helps this one along, but you get the feeling Ryan is a mama's boy because he actually just really likes doing all the stuff she does. He's gonna make an awesome trophy wife someday.
Becky: Y'all, Ryan Evans knows from skin care regimes. Is all I'm saying.
- 8. Ryan's verse of We're All in This Together
Jess: Or, more specifically, his pelvic thrusts during his verse of "We're All in This Together," followed by his being carried aloft by ranks of nubile male athletes.
Becky: I don't think there's anything I can add to that.
- 7. "I'd say Troy Bolton has that sewn up."
Becky: This is another body language heavy one -- let's just say it is very clear Ryan has been checking out the gentlemen of East High. Perhaps he keeps a spreadsheet of some sort, regularly updated with vital statistics like "floppiest hair," and "most orangey skin." (At least, I assume that's what he's measuring by if Troy is #1.)
Jess: Also, what high school boy uses an expression like "sewn up"? A gay one.
- 6. Bop to the Top: Ryan does the hustle. Ryan also, apparently, does the rump.
Jess: He also "pops like a mop," but I'm not really sure what that means.
Becky: Let's just say Ryan is way more in touch with his hips than most guys. You know. Straight ones.
- 5. "Maybe I'll get to meet Ashton!"
Becky: That's...not even subtextual, is it?
Jess: No. No, it is not.
Becky: You know, this would be a gay enough sequence just because of the pink and white and the piano playing in the pool and whatnot, but we feel the need to draw attention to Ryan's mouth. And not just because his lips are such a lovely shade of pink.
Jess: Somewhere, Liberace is smiling.
- 3. Ryan's hats
Jess: Look, I know hats didn't used to be code for gay, but that was before Ryan Evans came along.
Becky: Ryan's dad can try and straighten his son's hats as often as he wants, but it just ain't gonna take.
- 2. Ryan and Chad exchange shirts and hats
Becky: It would be one thing if Ryan had just pulled on Chad's jersey...But Chad is wearing Ryan's polo shirt. These guys have been at least half-naked and sweaty together in a locker room somewhere.
Jess: Or a dugout, or under a table, or right there on the pitcher's mound...they're not picky.
- 1. AND FINALLY...