Saturday, October 18, 2008

Countdown to HSM3: Ryan's Top 10 Gayest Moments

So your bloggers here at Tweenage are somewhat excited about next week's opening of High School Musical 3: Senior Year, a movie that will doubtlessly define a generation. Not our generation, but that's not the point. We've got our tickets and are busy getting ourselves psyched up -- and of course we need to share the fun. So for the next week, we'll be doing a countdown to HSM3, posting daily Top 10 lists that explore some of our favorite movie moments. Starting with a countdown that is near and dear to our hearts:

Ryan's Top 10 Gayest Moments

  • 10. "Golden Throat? This is Jazz Square."
    Becky: I suspect the only way this could be gayer is if Ryan's nickname was Golden Throat.
    Jess: I'm sure among certain special interest groups it is. And by "certain special interest groups," I mean the dudes he has sex with.

  • 9. Ryan: Hi, Mommy!
    Mrs. Evans: Ducky! How's my dashing boy?
    (They kiss their fingertips and touch them together; then Ryan joins his mother at yoga.)
    Mrs. Evans: Tell Pumpkin if she worries she'll get frown lines.
    Ryan (sighing, resigned): I told her twice.

    Jess: Lucas's fey body language helps this one along, but you get the feeling Ryan is a mama's boy because he actually just really likes doing all the stuff she does. He's gonna make an awesome trophy wife someday.
    Becky: Y'all, Ryan Evans knows from skin care regimes. Is all I'm saying.

  • 8. Ryan's verse of We're All in This Together
    Jess: Or, more specifically, his pelvic thrusts during his verse of "We're All in This Together," followed by his being carried aloft by ranks of nubile male athletes.
    Becky: I don't think there's anything I can add to that.

  • 7. "I'd say Troy Bolton has that sewn up."
    Becky: This is another body language heavy one -- let's just say it is very clear Ryan has been checking out the gentlemen of East High. Perhaps he keeps a spreadsheet of some sort, regularly updated with vital statistics like "floppiest hair," and "most orangey skin." (At least, I assume that's what he's measuring by if Troy is #1.)
    Jess: Also, what high school boy uses an expression like "sewn up"? A gay one.

  • 6. Bop to the Top: Ryan does the hustle. Ryan also, apparently, does the rump.
    Jess: He also "pops like a mop," but I'm not really sure what that means.
    Becky: Let's just say Ryan is way more in touch with his hips than most guys. You know. Straight ones.

  • 5. "Maybe I'll get to meet Ashton!"
    Becky: That's...not even subtextual, is it?
    Jess: No. No, it is not.

  • 4.
    Becky: You know, this would be a gay enough sequence just because of the pink and white and the piano playing in the pool and whatnot, but we feel the need to draw attention to Ryan's mouth. And not just because his lips are such a lovely shade of pink.
    Jess: Somewhere, Liberace is smiling.

  • 3. Ryan's hats
    Jess: Look, I know hats didn't used to be code for gay, but that was before Ryan Evans came along.
    Becky: Ryan's dad can try and straighten his son's hats as often as he wants, but it just ain't gonna take.

  • 2. Ryan and Chad exchange shirts and hats
    Becky: It would be one thing if Ryan had just pulled on Chad's jersey...But Chad is wearing Ryan's polo shirt. These guys have been at least half-naked and sweaty together in a locker room somewhere.
    Jess: Or a dugout, or under a table, or right there on the pitcher's mound...they're not picky.

  • 1. AND FINALLY...


Mitch said...

Man, that video remains one of the best things in life. As does Ryan's entire [fictional] existence, but. Y'know.

Anonymous said...

That list is totally spot on. Why am i not suprised that I Don't Dance takes the number 1 spot?

Narrelle said...

In my country, we have a saying. "Camper than a row of pink frilly tents".

Just saying.

Anonymous said...

It's not really a "Ryan moment" per se, but...

HSM2, land-of-drama-upon-the-pool:

Gabriella: And what about Ryan?
Sharpay: He'll do his celebrity impersonations!

.... *Imagines Ryan in a fedora and tights: Forget your troubles, come on be happy...*