Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Countdown to HSM3: The Top 10 Biggest WTF Moments

Tonight's list deals with some of the most ridiculous moments in HSM. But that seems to have been the theme of the day, because ZOMG, have you seen the alleged news? Zef may just have let himself get blackmailed into doing HSM4: in exchange for that (plus a crapload of money), he seems to be signed on to co-star in Pirates of the Caribbean 4. So he can take over the franchise from Johnnie Depp. Whaaaat?

Top 10 Biggest WTF Moments

10. Troy Bolton wears capri pants
Jess: And slides. Listen, Troy, just because it's cute when Chad and Ryan switch clothing doesn't mean you should switch with your significant other too.
Becky: It isn't the worst fashion offense in the movies. But it it is one of the most hilarious.

9. Sharpay's role as understudy
Becky: Okay. I give you that some schools with hard core drama programs may bother with understudies -- mine didn't, but my school was about 11 people and some cows -- but even if your school does, doesn't the second best actress usually get the...you know...secondary female role?
Jess: I'm more confused by why, if Sharpay was Gabi's understudy, Gabi didn't suffer a Showgirls-esque pushed-down-the-stairs "accident" on opening night. Presumably because Gabi is too prim to do anything Showgirls-esque.

8. Troy getting everyone jobs at Lava Springs
Jess: I guess I can buy that Sharpay has enough pull to get Fulton to hire Troy plus anywhere from seven to 50 of his friends (although what happened to the people who were supposed to hold those jobs?), but why didn't Troy tell his friends when he found out?
Becky: Also, when did this happen? We hear him extolling Gabi's many virtues, but then he hangs up and looks smug. Did he secretly call Fulton back later to demand Lava Springs hire more of his cronies or the "Hire me and my girlfriend and we'll show up but not really do any more work" deal was off?

7. Everyone else's investment in Troy and Gabi's relationship
Becky: You know, when my friends have gone through break ups, it sucked. I try to cheer them up, because that's what friends do. I don't think I've ever engineered a convoluted scheme to shoehorn them back into a seriously flawed relationship, though.
Jess: Do these people not have their own lives? I mean, even Ryan gave up his show - his first creative endeavor that was all his - to provide Troy and Gabriella with a terribly staged, infuriatingly bad duet. Kids, even if Mommy and Daddy break up, they still love you.

6. Darbus keeping people out
Jess: Darbus seems completely opposed to the idea of people trying out for and/or being in her musical(e). Gabriella was thirty seconds late deciding she wanted to audition, so Darbus refuses to let her do it? What? What?
Becky: Well, she also decided the school should do a big show that was entirely written by a high schooler -- a talented one, I guess, but could they not get the rights to Bye Bye Birdie or something? -- that seems to involve, like, a tree and a camel and a giant moon. So perhaps that's just how Darbus rolls. You know. Crazy-style.

5. Chad scores the winning run
Becky: Yeah, so there's no actual, possible way that that should have happened. They went to all the trouble to show us Ryan winning home field advantage, so Ryan should bat in the BOTTOM of the inning. Meaning that if Chad scored a run in the 9th that put his team ahead, Ryan's team should go bat. There is no way to do a walk-off in the top of the ninth! That's not how baseball works!
Jess: I think from that you can all tell which one of us is the crazy baseball fan, but seriously, even I know that's wrong. (Although I think wasting time breakdancing when you're about to be tagged out is also a pretty egregious violation of baseballular principles.)

4. The whole audition process
Jess: Okay, for anyone who's never auditioned for something before (which, for the record, should not be ANYONE INVOLVED IN MOVIE-MAKING), you do not have to audition in pairs, because that makes no damn sense. What if one person is good and the other stinks? You audition BY YOURSELF, possibly reading lines with someone else if necessary. Callbacks happen a day or two later, not WEEKS, and don't require a) costumes, b) an audience, or c) THAT YOU WRITE AND ARRANGE A BRAND-NEW SONG. And you have to be able to do more than just sing.
Becky: On top of which, just as a general note, I kind of feel like we need to ask why, why, WHY Sharpay and Ryan seem to play romantic roles against each other -- or at least audition for them. And for that matter, what happens to their drama club groupies, who are never seen or heard from again?

3. Sharpay and Ryan participate in We're All in This Together
Becky: So Sharpay (and to a lesser extent, Ryan) have just spent several days doing their best to sabotage Gabi and Troy, right? But then they lose. So... Everyone is friends? I guess? I'm not sure why or how or when that happened, but apparently at East High, "I will destroy you if you get in my way," is more or less equivalent to, "Hi, let's be BFF!"
Jess: Let's hope so, because the SAME EXACT THING happens in the second movie. And all the junior novels. Uh, so I hear. *cough*

Jess: Giant. Troy. Head.
Becky: I like to picture some artsy, alternative kid being forced to paint that wall while ranting about how Troy Bolton is emblematic of everything that's wrong with high school. Except no one exists at East High who doesn't love Troy Bolton, so I guess that can't happen, alas.

1. Everything about employment at Lava Springs
Jess: How many of the junior staffers are Wildcats anyway? Why were they all in uniform BEFORE getting job assignments? Why are they so surprised and angry to learn that they have to work at their JOBS? Why was Gabriella lifeguarding and Jason washing dishes before they got their assignments? Why did Kelsi think it was acceptable to start eating the club's food the minute she got there OH MY GOD I WANT TO PUNCH HER IN THE FACE? Who was supposed to wait on the audience if the entire junior staff was in the show? Who wound up waiting when they all went out to perform? How did Troy not get fired, when we only see him working three time during the whole movie and he always always ALWAYS clocks in late? Why does he stop to talk to Gabriella BEFORE clocking in when he is ALREADY late? Why do they think Fulton is scary? Why is Zeke angry about getting his dream job? Why does Chad think putting his feet in a bucket of ice will make them feel better, and why are we supposed to believe that he's in pain when a) he's an athlete and b) the Evans parents walked just as much as he did? Where are their supervisors? Why does no one train them? Aren't there requirements to becoming a lifeguard besides first aid training and being a straight A student? What exactly is Taylor's job?

Becky: *backs away from Jess slowly* And yet, NONE of this is the most insane thing that happened at Lava Springs. You know where this is going, don't you? Cue video.


unemptygirl said...

You know what .. I think they might have Zef play the son of Elizabeth and Will. I mean .. it could work .. I think Orlando and Zef have the same stupid look so it wouldn't shock me.

Ann said...

According to the HSM All Access book, which includes a Twinkle Towne program, Arnold and Minnie are actually the only roles in the entire show. And Arnold doesn't get an understudy. (The chorus is played by "various East High students.")

Anonymous said...

2 characters on a MUSICAL SHOW? No wonder nobody shows up for East High's Productions. Whoever though up that musical should be killed. And what the hell kind of a name is Minnie?